


Rot

by Well_Then_Extract



Category: Legend Series - Marie Lu
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cheating, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sex, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, One Night Stands, Pining, Secret Relationship, eden is Not a Good Person, i get to pick the morally ambiguous characters, i'd die for tess, it's my canon divergence, like a lot, oh fuck it's infidelity, tess doesn't know her last name so she picked something she thought was cool, tess is bi you can't change my mind, which is cadence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21708877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Well_Then_Extract/pseuds/Well_Then_Extract
Summary: Tess ignores the spite that builds like fire in her stomach, the prick of something spikey and heavy in her throat, she clenches her jaw and her fists and stands a little straighter. She rolls her shoulders to get rid of any visible remaining notes of jealousy, ugly and violent, from her demeanor. But she couldn’t ignore the spin of vertigo she got, the cruel yank on her heart, the all too familiar frenzy in her mind. And suddenly she was thirteen again, pining after a Wing she’d never have, frustratingly in love with someone who always has their back to you. It’s just as painful now as it was when she was a little girl.A dumb bitch (me) doesn’t know when to quit.Teden is dead when I say it is, and I’m not done yet.
Relationships: June Iparis/Anden "Primo" Stravropoulos, June Iparis/Daniel "Day" Wing, Tess (Legend Trilogy) / Eden Wing
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	1. Oh peach pit, where'd the hours go?

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter title is from the song Peach Pit by Peach Pit.  
> Before the decade ends, anybody want to admit they have a crush on me?  
> So all of you are free from my long-winded note about change and growth and how much I've improved as a writer that the people on wattpad are going to get, but still, I'm gonna get emotional here.  
> So Legend was the first fandom where I really started to get involved in fanfiction and got serious about writing, and it's been four years since I first read the series and gah having Rebel come out this year was so cathartic for me.  
> Like being able to have that closure and the opportunity to look back on my work and my characterizations and compare them to now is ridiculous but freeing and makes me feel so much better about my writing. Like yeah I'm not Excellent at writing but at least I'm not shitty anymore.  
> So as the 2010's draw to a close, the decade I've spent most of my life in, it's incredibly healing and settling to return this fandom where I first started, to walk down these old paths, to take comfort in how I've changed.  
> Also I am still gay as fuck for Tess and I still love teden with all of my heart despite the fact that it was disproven in canon. I won't accept the ending they got, I have taken it upon myself to right these wrongs.  
> I'm not done yet, this is over when I say it is.

Tess currently had a crush on one of her closest friends, but she was dealing with it.

And by dealing with it, she meant taking increasingly long and hot baths, losing herself in the near-boiling water.

She often thought about a story her dad had told her, about frogs in a pot not knowing they were boiling, they kept calling for the water to get hotter, and eventually, they got cooked from the inside out.

She doesn’t understand what that has to do with anything, and he was drunk when he said it, but sometimes she likes to pretend she’s a boiling frog, and the only problem in her life is the water not being hot enough.

If Tess thought for too long, she’d think her personal boiling pot was her feelings for her friend, and she just kept turning up the heat, even as her insides burned, even as her blood boiled in her veins.

Then she’d let out the water and get out, and she’d usually watch TV on her couch, Fringe in her lap and Roach at her feet.

Which was where Tess was now, thinking.

She had just gotten out of another bath, she had spent an hour soaking in bubbles and pity, sipping a mimosa out of a goblet-shaped like a skeleton hand. Her apartment AI was playing music, a specific playlist for nights like this, when she’d sit in the bath and consider her situation for a while.

Despite her usual routine of losing her train of thought once she climbed out of the water, she still found her mind wandering back to Eden.

The TV was on, she wasn’t really sure what was playing but it wasn’t interesting enough to hold her attention.

Fringe was in her lap, mewling, he probably wanted to be fed again but she wasn’t going to do that, he was already basically obese. Which is hard for a cat. She wasn’t sure where Roach was, probably trying to kill a bird, but she wasn’t worried.

She ran her fingers through Fringe’s hair, tugging off pieces of skin on her lip while she thought.

Tess wasn’t really sure when this whole thing started.

Probably a while ago, she thinks, but she can’t remember a specific date.

She hears a yowl from her bedroom, and groans as she lifts Fringe from her lap so she can stand up and check on her bastard cat. As she picks a dead mouse up with tongs and throws it over her balcony, she thinks about something she never wants to. 

* * *

Tess was cramming, and Eden was making fun of her.

"You should have been studying this whole time!” he laughs, “you can’t learn organic chemistry overnight!”

“Just fucking watch me,” Tess grumbles, pouring over-highlighted notes that she hasn’t opened in weeks.

Her final was tomorrow. She was just trying to get above a D, that’s all she wanted.

“Should I hang up then?”

“No, I need the background noise, just continue with your normal jabber.” Tess waved her hand dismissively at him.

“I’m your _background noise_?” Eden repeated, raising his eyebrows.

“I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“Yeah, just keep babbling on about nothing like that,”

Eden frowned at her, but he kept going, talking about whatever he could come up with.

Hours passed like that, with Tess trying desperately to rememorize the information that she learned months ago and Eden talking gently, not really expecting a response from Tess.

They stayed on the call when Tess had to rescue her cat from being trapped in the bathroom, when Eden had to brush his teeth, and when Eden had to stop talking and pretend to be asleep when Daniel got home.

Sometimes he’d call out answers for her, and she’d make fun of him for being smart and knowing organic chemistry when she didn’t even really, but she appreciated his help more than anything.

“But I _know_ it’s him like it’s a small apartment and there are only two people in it! I know he’s the one eating my leftovers because it literally could not be anyone else”

Tess didn’t reply, she was finally getting through their last unit and after this, she’d go through it all again.

“Pentatonic acid,” she whispers, chewing on the back of her pencil, “pentanoic acid.”

“Pentanoic acid has nine hydrogens,” Eden finished for her, smiling softly.

“Thank you,” Tess smiled back, “and I don’t know if it’s Daniel eating your food, maybe you have a ghost or a large rat of some kind,”

Eden laughed, harder than he maybe should have at the half-ass joke.

“Yeah, or maybe one of Daniel’s one night stands found herself getting hungry and decided to eat my tamales, seems like a reasonable thing to do.” he quipped back, his eyes were all scrunched up from smiling.

He had put away whatever weird machine he was working on a while ago, now he was just laying in bed, sometimes he’d close his eyes for a while but then blink them back open.

Tess wasn’t sure what he was using to video call her, but it seemed to follow him wherever he went. She wondered if he was using his fancy Antarctican chip, which was much more high tech than the tablet that Tess was using.

“You should go to sleep,” Eden murmured, a yawn punctuated the end of his sentence.

Tess looked over at the clock and realized it was three in the morning, which meant it was five for Eden.

_Shit._

She looked at him fondly, then turned back to her notes.

“Yeah, you should. Thanks for the help chatterbox, but I’ll just turn on the TV to finish these up.”

“No,” he insisted, the sleepiness was really starting to edge into his voice now, weighing it down, “I said _you_ should go to sleep.”

“What? You can’t tell me what to do, you’re like twelve.”

“I’m _sixteen_ ,”

“My bad,” Tess countered sarcastically, redrawing a diagram of Alkan.

“It’s not going to help you on the test if you’re all sleepy and can’t see straight because you only got two hours of sleep. Besides you already finished all the content.”

“How do you know that?”

“You say what you’re doing out loud,” Eden remarks, grinning at her.

The tiredness in his eyes was briefly replaced by amusement.

“Okay then smartass,” Tess scoffed, looking off into the dimly lit expanse of her room, she considered her options.

If she stayed up, she might, in fact, fall asleep on her test. Besides, she could also review it in the morning.

Damn it, maybe Eden had a point.

She turned back to the screen, smiling at Eden fondly despite herself.

“I’ll stay up until you go to sleep,” Eden argued, though the large yawn that interrupted his sentence kind of knocked him off message.

“Don’t you have school today?” she asked, voice gentler now.

“Yeah but I don’t have to leave until eight… and it’ll be okay if I’m late because I’m the best student there.”

“Yeah, right, how could I forget?”

Eden yawned again, so big it cut off what he was going to say.

“Alright I’ll go to sleep, but only if you go to sleep too.” Tess agreed.

“Sounds like a deal,” he hummed, his blinks were getting slow.

“Goodnight Eden,”

“Whatever,” he mumbled, eyes closed now, “good luck on your test.”

“Thanks, that seemed sincere.”

She waited for a beat before hanging up, it seemed like Eden had fallen asleep. She was glad he drifted off so quickly, he told her he’s been having a hard time sleeping. Which she understands, it hasn’t been easy for her either.

That night though, she found it incredibly easy to sink underneath the covers and fall asleep right away, Eden’s gentle voice ringing in her ears.

Tess got a B plus on her organic chemistry final, and she pretends it’s not because she could hear Eden reading every molecule to her during the test, his voice slow with sleep and hoarse in a whisper.

She also pretends that when she told Eden her grade and he got excited and yelled: “that’s my girl” she didn’t get a kick of affection in the stomach and a rush of blood to her cheeks. 

* * *

The last time she called Eden was the night before they flew out to LA for Eden’s interview.

He was packing (or avoiding packing) and talking to Tess excitedly about what he was going to do once he got the job.

Tess had no idea what he was talking about, but she loved his determination and passion and she could listen to him talk all day.

“We’re still going to your house tomorrow night right?”

“Apartment,” she corrected and Eden glared at her, “and yeah I thought so.”

“Awesome, do we need to bring anything?”

“Nah I got it covered, just bring yourselves.”

Eden was trying to fold a long sleeve shirt, but on his fifth try, he gave up and just crammed it sloppily into his suitcase.

“I hope you’re excited,” Tess continued, “I got a little something up my sleeve.”

Eden looked back over at her, away from his packing failure.

“Like what?”

Tess debated answering with ‘if I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise’ but she thought maybe it’d work better if he had a little heads up.

“Okay don’t tell Daniel, but the dinner you guys are coming to isn’t just for your interview. It’s also for June’s birthday.”

Eden’s eyes widened.

“Tess Cadence! Tricking her best friends!” Eden gasped dramatically, a smile was breaking through his shocked expression.

“I know, very clever of me,”

“Very clever, very tricky. I didn’t think you were the type to deceive your friends.”

“It’s not deceiving!” She defended, scoffing. “You’ve seen them, they’re awful! They’re never going to talk to each other or work anything out, so I just gave them, you know a little push.”

Eden looked up from his disaster zone of a suitcase and grinned at Tess.

“I have seen them, you’re right. It’s horrible watching them act like middle schoolers around each other.”

“Right, and if you guys are moving back here I don’t want to deal with it every single time we want to hang out.”

Eden chucked some shoes haphazardly into his suitcase.

“So I _shouldn’t_ tell Daniel about this?”

“Correct, you shouldn’t, because if you do I’ll break your glasses over your skull.”

Eden laughed at the threat, the kind where his eyes get all crinkly in the corners.

“If you can _reach_ my glasses.” He countered.

“I’ll reach your glasses when you double over when I kick your knees,”

He laughed again, dipping his head back, and Tess’s head swam.

“Alright, sure, I won’t tell him.”

“Good.” She snarked, looked away, her face was hot.

There was a beat of silence, then Tess gathered her bearings again.

“You want in on it?”

“What? Your secret plan of love?”

“Precisely.”

Eden blinked at her, then shrugged.

“Yeah sure, why not?”

Tess clapped her hands, grinning at Eden.

“Awesome! Welcome to the dream team!” she exclaimed. “I would high five you but I’m apparently in another country across the ocean.”

“Damn oceans, always interrupting my high fives.”

Tess looked back over at Eden, still smiling.

“So now that you’re on the dream team, what are you going to do?”

“I think first of all I’m going to make a list of awkward and invasive questions to ask them during dinner.”

“Amazing first step, please send me that list once you finish it.”

“You know it,”

The conversation lulled to a stop, Tess working on some paperwork she had brought home and Eden trying his best to pack his clothes like a normal person. They hadn’t called in a while, it was nice being able to just spend time around Eden like this. She missed him whenever they went long periods without talking much, and with his big internship and school and Tess’s job, things had just been crazy.

It was a relief just to be around him, to know he’s there.

Eden looked up from his suitcase, glancing around his room.

It was getting late, Tess noticed, it was seven for her which meant nine for Eden.

She was going to say she should go when Eden cut her off.

“I should go, I think. Daniel’s going to be home soon and if he hears us talking he’ll ask what’s going on and I’m not a very good liar.”

“You’re not a good liar, you’re right. One time I asked you how your day was and you told me your neighbor is in witness protection.”

Eden cringed, trying and failing again to fold a long sleeve shirt.

“We don’t talk about that day.”

Tess laughed again, loud enough to scare her cat laying by her feet. He huffed and walked out of the room, upset with the lack of attention and loud noises.

“Also I should probably actually start packing, we leave tomorrow.”

“I know that you leave tomorrow, and I’ve _been saying_ that you need to start packing for hours now dipshit.”

“I’m sorry! You’re distracting.”

“It’s not my fault that I’m so interesting and charismatic that you can’t tear your attention from me,” she argued jokingly, laying a hand on her chest for dramatic effect.

“I would not call you either of those things,”

“Hey! You’re the one who has been on a call with me for five hours,”

Eden glanced behind Tess, probably at something on his fancy chip screen.

“You’re right, wow, five hours. That seems excessive.”

“No amount of time is excessive _with you_.” she cooed sarcastically.

“Shut up, any amount of time is excessive with you.”

“Deny it all you want, but you just spent five hours talking to me.”

“And I don’t want to talk a minute more.” Eden smiled softly at Tess, breaking through the taunting tone the conversation had. “I’ll talk to you later Tess.”

“You’re still coming over tomorrow?” Tess asked, heart suddenly soft and hyper in her chest.

“As soon as I land,” Eden replied, his eyes were wide and the purple color of them reflected the gentle blue light of his bedroom lamp.

“I’ll be looking forward to it,” she murmured, her voice had gotten affectionate and caring against her will.

“I’ll see you then Tess, bye.”

“Bye,” she replied, the confession sitting on her tongue like a loaded trap. She regretted not saying anything at the moment, frustrated with her cowardice, but looking back Tess isn’t sure if it would have made much of a difference.

* * *

Months later, after everything happened, Eden was coming back to LA.

Again.

Antarctica was in shambles, their level video game system was hacked or something, Tess wasn’t sure of the details, but June, Anden, Daniel, and Eden were all on their way back to LA now.

June had called her last night, telling Tess what was happening in a rush, voice tight with worry. Tess knew she should probably be worried too, but she was too busy working herself up over Eden coming back to LA, coming back to her.

They hadn’t spoken since that night, not one call or voice mail, not a text or God even a letter. Tess didn’t know what to say. Well, that was a lie. She knew what she wanted to say, but that all depended on what Eden said, on what he really thought of her.

So she kept waiting, checking her voice mail, hoping he’d call. But now he was coming back, and she’d tell him everything she wanted to say, and everything would fix itself.

He’d see her standing there in the crowd and he’d run over to her as they do in the movies, and he’d trip over his words in his hurry to say everything he had been thinking for these past weeks. He would tell her what she means to him, he’d apologize for taking so long, and then Tess would apologize too, they’d both been so stupid.

That was what Tess was thinking when she was in the car on her way to the airport, staring out of the window in silence.

The car ride seemed so slow, the seconds crawled by, her leg bounced anxiously against the car’s carpeted floor. She just wanted to see Eden again.

Finally, _finally_ , she got to the airport and through the waves of journalists and photographers, she saw them, she saw him.

June was barking out orders and commanding the public like the powerful leader she is, the crowd parted like the sea before her. Anden stepped forward with manicured grace, features completely professional and cool, he walked with an air of wisdom, pride stirred in her chest for him.

Then Daniel and Eden appeared behind them, looking confused and scared and like a strong breeze could blow them away. Daniel looked so uncomfortable, eyes flitting around and fists clenched, it hurt Tess to see him that way. Eden looked a little more put together, Tess felt her stomach flip at the sight of him, golden hair blowing in the wind and shoulders hunched with worry.

Then, Tess saw Pressa.

Sure, Eden talks about Pressa sometimes, but in the same way that Tess talks about Theo or Sam or Vara. Just passing mentions, short stories, “you’ll never hear what they did today”, in a casual way for casual friends. Of course, they have friends other than each other, it’d be ridiculous not to. Tess had never seen Pressa, but she’s heard brief mentions of her, her father, how poor she is.

Hearing about her, about the time she threw an empty beer can out of a bus window at someone, that’s one thing. Seeing her here, like this, that’s another.

The first thing Tess noticed about Pressa was that she is pretty.

Really pretty.

In the drop-dead way.

If Tess wasn’t in such a tight chokehold of jealousy, maybe she’d have felt the beginnings of attraction stir in her stomach. But she didn’t, there wasn’t a single spark of warmth in her entire body, she felt like it had been sucked out of her.

That really was a problem. That confirmed Tess’s fears, the feelings she shoved away, the realization that she had been pointedly avoiding since that night with Eden.

Pressa had a jawline that could cut glass, round cheeks, gorgeous skin free from blemishes, her hair was jet black and shimmered beautifully in the sun. Her lips were a lovely bow shape, pressed into a tight line, her dark eyes were watery and stunning in their grief. Tess found herself reflecting on her messy haircut, her freckled and scarred face, her soft features because apparently eating a healthy amount gave her a fatter face.

Pressa was her, except better.

_Pressa is you, except better._

Tess ignores the spite that builds like fire in her stomach, the prick of something spikey and heavy in her throat, she clenches her jaw and her fists and stands a little straighter. She rolls her shoulders to get rid of any visible remaining notes of jealousy, ugly and violent, from her demeanor. But she couldn’t ignore the spin of vertigo she got, the cruel yank on her heart, the all too familiar frenzy in her mind. And suddenly she was thirteen again, pining after a Wing she’d never have, frustratingly in love with someone who always has their back to you. It’s just as painful now as it was when she was a little girl.

She forces a smile on her face and raises her hand high above the crowds, waving it around so they could see her.

“Daniel! Eden! Over here!” she shouted, waving her hands.

She was tall enough now that she could hold her own in the crowds, but still she didn’t want them to miss her.

Then Eden caught her eye, and Tess’s breath left her in a rush. His eyes widened slightly, like he didn’t expect to see her here, and looked her up and down subtly.

Tess had admittedly slightly dolled herself up for the occasion, putting on just light makeup that was barely noticeable and some lipstick, but nothing that would make it seem like she was trying to look nice. Stupid as it sounded, she didn’t want Eden to think she was trying too hard, and especially not for him. Her skirt clung to her legs, shifting around her tights, and Tess adjusted her blouse lightly once Eden looked away.

Then they were right in front of her, and shockingly (obviously) Eden looked a lot better up close.

He looked the same as when Tess last saw him, except more tired.

His face was pulled tight with stress, the deep purple bags under his eyes had gotten worse. Her heart broke a little looking at him, she wanted to fix whatever is bothering him.

She wanted to kiss the worry off of his face.

June and Anden walked by first, unbreakable and elegant.

Tess knows better than to interrupt June when she’s working, especially in such a busy event like this one, but she still smiled at her and winked, just to remind June she’s on her side. Sometimes June just needs a reminder that Tess is there for her, always waiting in her corner whenever she needs the support.

Daniel, however, she practically leaped into his arms. They caught each other’s gaze when he walked by and ran to each other. She was so excited to see him, it was like seeing a favorite brother, she had missed talking to him too. Being without him was like being apart from a limb. Daniel swept her off her feet and poked her nose and ruffled her hair, and Tess’s heart swelled inside her with love for him.

Really, she had missed Daniel with every fiber of her being, and she only just noticed now. She thought she’s never missed anyone as much as she missed Daniel.

Then she caught Eden’s eye and took back what she said about not being able to miss anyone as much as she missed Daniel.

Because she looked at Eden, at his eyes that shone like water at midnight, big and wide in their surprise to see her, at his cheeks, his lips, his shoulders his hair his hands, and she felt her entire chest cave in. Such a tremor went through her chest that she thought this must be what it feels like to have a lung collapse.

Tess forgot Pressa was there, in all honesty, and she walked over to Eden.

They were almost the same height, Eden just had an inch or two on her, and as they stood in front of each other, everything paused for a second.

When Tess locked eyes with Eden, all of her nerves lit up, electricity shot through her.

She reached over and tenderly placed a hand on his cheek, Eden’s eyes followed her movements.

“You haven’t been sleeping well since I last saw you,” she breathed gently, her breath hit his lips when she spoke. She poured her heart into that sentence, poured every ounce of love into every syllable. How much she missed him, how much she cares for him, what him coming home is doing to her, everything packed into that sentence. Her heart was torn into pieces and placed on each letter.

He smiled at her, eyes lidding slightly, the indigo in them rippled with affection, his eyes blinked slow.

“I’m fine now,” he replied, a subtle blush crawled across his cheeks.

Tess had forgotten how good he looked when he blushed.

Then Eden looked away and the spell was broken, turning to Pressa.

“This is Pressa,” he introduced, gesturing to her with a vague hand, “a friend of mine.”

The wording of that, the meaning simmering underneath it, made Tess’s skin crawl. Pressa seems hurt by the wording, wincing so softly that Tess almost didn’t notice.

That was definitely not a good sign.

Nevertheless, she stuck her hand out and lifted her chin, she met Pressa’s gaze steadily.

“Nice to meet you,” She manages, forcing a smile.

“Likewise,” Pressa responds, stiffly shaking Tess’s hand.

The silence that hung in the air was awkward and thick, it wrapped around Tess’s neck with itchy claws and stopped anything she could have said in her throat.

Luckily, they’re ushered into a car soon after that, and June and Day launch into a conversation about the issue at hand, about how to save Antarctica. Tess sits in front of Day, the seat across from Eden in the second row of seats, which is probably for the best since it hinders her ability to stare at him. They make eye contact quite a bit, and it relieves some of Tess’s stress to see Eden blushing and flustered the same way she is.

She thinks about kissing his neck as they drive, as they plan out how to solve a disaster.

* * *

Tonight was the night, Daniel and Eden were on there way, and she assumed June was too.

It was pretty serendipitous that June was running late, she had anticipated an hour or so to talk June up before Daniel arrived, but maybe now they’d bump into each other on their way to her house.

Tess fluttered around her apartment, fixing vases and straightening the table cloth, she was really going all out for this dinner. She didn’t _have_ to, she and June ate on her floor more times than she could count, and she and Daniel used to eat out of the garbage. But she wanted this dinner to be special, she wanted this to be what gets them back together.

Pascao was sitting on the couch, mocking her for being so flighty, but he adjusted the pillows and blankets around him anyway.

“They’ll be here any minute!” Tess huffed urgently, more to herself than anyone.

She had been planning this for months, meticulously working out every single detail so Day and June would have no choice but to run into each other, one way or another. If there was one thing she had perfected in her days on the streets it was rigging things to go her way, and this game was expertly rigged.

The doorbell rang, and Tess sprang up so fast her neck cracked.

“It’s not them,” Pascao said, bored, watching Tess scramble to the door.

Pascao was right, it was just Anden.

He grinned at Tess when he saw her.

“Anden!” She greeted, taking the small wrapped box out of his hands.

“I’m so glad you’re here, June will get here any minute.” She ushered Anden into the apartment, looking behind him and down the hall.

“I left early like you told me to so I wouldn’t run into June and Day,” Anden explained, taking off his coat and putting it on the hook.

Pascao nodded at him, then turned back to whatever he was reading as he snooped through the magazines Tess had set on the coffee table for effect.

“Hi Pascao,” Anden replied flatly, frowning briefly at him and his indifference before turning back to Tess.

“Good, good job Anden,” Tess said, bustling around in the kitchen and checking on the food.

She usually didn’t try this hard with food, but now that she was, it was _stressful_. She was constantly worried something would go wrong, and she had spent all day cooking for this.

(Well, all day after she had gotten home from work.)

“It smells great, Tess” Anden complimented casually, but Tess thought he would have said that no matter what. The kitchen could be on fire and Anden would still tell her she’s doing a great job.

“Thanks,” she responded anyway, pulling green beans out of the oven.

“What all did you make?” he asked, walking around in a circle around Tess.

“Ugh, a lot.” She sighed, turning off the stove and slipping her hands out of the oven mitts. “I made a lot.”

“Seems like it, I’ve seen banquets with less food.”

“I like to remind myself I’m not on the streets anymore,” she quipped, and suddenly she did feel a little embarrassed about the excessive amount of food she cooked.

Then the doorbell rang, and all of Tess’s nerves lit up.

“Shit,” she cursed, and leaped across the kitchen, scrambling around on the floor like a dog running after a ball.

She slid ungracefully across the floor and skidded to a harsh stop in front of the door. She adjusted her dress and tights, scooping a few strands of hair out of her eyes.

“You look great Tess, leave it alone and open the door,” Pascao called from the couch, looking at her over the top of the magazine.

She huffed at him, but she still appreciated the support, she still appreciated how he always knew exactly what to say to her.

Tess opened the door, grinning, and was greeted by three people saying her name.

Daniel was hugging her before she could react, squeezing her tight and shouting excitedly in her ear. Tess hugged him back eagerly, seeing him again was like coming up for air after a long dive in the ocean, like coming into a warm home on a cold night.

Then Tess saw Eden, and seeing him was like being dropped headfirst into the deep end of the pool. All of the air in her chest fled, her blood rushed in her ears, her mouth fell open and her eyes got wide.

She knew what Eden looked like, but she didn’t know what he _looked_ like. Seeing him in real life was much different, it punched her in the stomach and made her heart stop.

Eden was pretty in video calls, he sounded nice on the phone, but right in front of her he was gorgeous, his voice made her vision spin.

“Tess!” he exclaimed, and all her blood rushed to her head.

“Eden,” she breathed, taking a step closer, she was certain she was making heart eyes at him but she didn’t care. “Eden!” she repeated, she had a hold of things now, and she threw herself into her arms.

He held her tight, the two of them swayed gently in the hallway.

Tess could _smell_ Eden, smell his shampoo, his cologne, and she wobbled a little on her feet. Seeing him here, for real, was like the drop in a roller coaster.

“I haven’t seen you in forever,” he laughed, pulling away, still holding onto her arms.

“It’s been a while, yeah,” she agreed, her voice sounded breathy, “last time I saw you, you were like _this_ big,” She held a hand out to the side, holding it a little above her hip.

Eden used to be so little, she could rest her elbow on his head.

Now they were almost the same height, she could look him squarely in the eyes, she could tip her head forward and kiss him without having to put in much effort.

(Sure, that’s where her mind went.)

“And you, as I seem to remember, had that same haircut.” Eden teased, poking her forehead gently.

“Shut up, you haven’t changed your hairstyle in four years either,” Tess fired back, shoving him lightly.

Eden grinned at her, he looked like he was going to say something else but Tess had already broken away and was hugging June like she hadn’t just seen her yesterday.

“June!” She yelled, squeezing her so tight that June coughed dramatically. “Happy birthday!”

June laughed, and Tess was a little relieved that she wasn’t angry with her. There was a small chance that June would get upset with Tess for the little trick she pulled, setting her and Daniel up like this, but she should have known June could never get mad at her.

(And if June _was_ mad, that’s just what she’d say. _”You can’t get mad at me!"_ she’d say, and she’d make that face that makes June click her tongue and squeeze her shoulder.)

“You weren’t this excited to see me when I got here,” Pascao remarked from the living room.

“I’m never _that_ excited to see you,” Tess barked, pulling away from June and smirking at him.

“Likewise, Tess,” he sighed, but put his magazine down and jumped up to meet June.

“Pascao!” She grinned, hugging him like he wasn’t at work with her earlier.

“Iparis,” he greeted, patting her back and laughing heartily into her ear. “Happy birthday, you’re getting old.”

“Not as old as you,” she replied easily, grinning wickedly at him as she pulled away.

Then Pascao peaked around her shoulder, caught sight of Day, and a wide smile cracked through his half indifferent expression.

“Pretty boy!” He shouted, darting over to Day and grasping his shoulders. “You cut your hair!”

Day laughed nervously, eyes flitting away, ran a hand through his cut short hair.

“Yeah, I think I like it better this way.”

Pascao patted his shoulders once, then ruffled his hair.

“I think it suits you,” Pascao settled, smiling warmly at Daniel.

He smiled back with the relief of finding something familiar.

The timer went off, and Tess physically jumped a little.

“Do you want me to help with that, Tess?” June asked, and she looked too eager to get out of the living room, to get away from Daniel.

“No, it’s your birthday! And I wouldn’t trust you in the kitchen, anyway.” Tess assured, shooing June away from the kitchen door and nudging her over to the couch. “Very sexist of you to insinuate that you should help me just because you’re the only woman here,”

June rolled her eyes but let Tess sit her down on the couch, and only looked a little annoyed at her.

“Fine, I guess I trust you to handle things,” she sighed.

“You guess you trust me?” Tess repeated incredulously, pretending to be hurt. “Wow June, that cuts deep.”

“Just go shut off that timer,” She teased, pushing her away.

“Eden, you come help me,” Tess ordered, walking over to where Eden was standing and kicking him in the shin.

“Ow, why me? I have an interview tomorrow!”

“Yeah, you have critical thinking skills, c’mon,” She pulled him into the kitchen, finally shutting off the timer that had been annoyingly buzzing this whole time.

He leaned on the counter, watching Tess pull rolls out of the oven.

“You made way too much food,” he commented, head tilting slightly.

“Yeah, well, it’s been like eight years since I’ve seen you and Daniel, and you’ve never seen me here in LA so…” Tess trailed off, glancing around the kitchen, “big day today.”

“Big day,” Eden echoed, then his eyes met Tess’s, “it’s nice seeing you, for real, I mean.”

“It’s nice seeing you too, you got taller.”

“So did you,”

They were quiet for a minute, having Eden within an arm’s reach made all their conversations heavier and more intimate.

Tess wasn’t sure if she’d survive Eden moving here, he’d only been here for twenty minutes and she was already losing her grip on reality.

Then another timer went off and Tess whipped around to the stove, shattering the serene moment.

“Did you make pasta? That seems easy,” he mocked, and Tess scoffed.

“I made pasta so that you could eat it and I wouldn’t be like ‘oh yeah I made steak for everyone else and here Eden you get two pieces of lettuce,’” Tess explained, frowning at him over her shoulder. Eden was silent for a second.

“Dammit that’s actually considerate and nice of you, that makes me feel bad for being shitty about it,” he laughed quietly.

“I’m always considerate and nice, I don’t know what you expected,” she responded, taking the noodles off of the stove and pouring them into a strainer.

“Not always,” he argued, voice unbearably soft under the teasing tone.

Tess smiled softly, turning to glance at him, her heart swelled when she caught his eye.

“I think dinner’s ready,” she stated, setting the strainer on the counter and wiping her hands off on a towel, “go get everyone else,”

Eden nodded, turned around, and leaned on the counter.

“Dinner’s ready!” he hollered over the bar and into the living room, then turned back around to face Tess, smiling smugly.

“That is not what I told you to do,”

“Yeah, but it worked, didn’t it?”

“Maybe I will only give you two pieces of lettuce for dinner,”

Everyone filtered into the kitchen, June and Day already engrossed in conversation.

Tess smiled, a strong sense of pride and completion settled in her chest.

“You made pasta?” Anden asked, nudging her hip with his.

“Yeah! But I also made all kinds of other stuff because that’s how talented I am,” she bragged, not at all serious, gesturing to the food piled all around the kitchen.

She handed everyone a bowl and set out some plates on the counter.

“Just go around and grab what you want, passing stuff seems like a lot of unnecessary extra effort,” she explained, setting out some silverware for people to use.

“Thanks, Tess,” June told her as she walked by, looking her in the eye sincerely, “for everything,”

Tess grabbed June’s hand and squeezed it, grinning at her.

“Don’t get all mushy Iparis, it’s just pasta.”

Everyone got their food, easy conversation filled the room along with the sound of shifting silverware.

Tess got everyone drinks and opened a bottle of wine, which she didn’t usually drink because she hated how it tasted but tonight was a special occasion. She only had gotten one bottle of it though, just for courtesy. After it was finished she had champagne that people could drink if they wanted.

As they ate, Tess realized Eden was not joking about that list of invasive questions.

He kept firing off increasingly personal questions at June, and then while she answered he’d look over at Daniel as if on cue.

Tess admired his commitment to this, and it was amusing to see June stumble to answer some of the questions he threw at her. She found herself admiring a lot about him.

“You used to date Anden, right?” Eden asked, bringing Tess out of her thoughts, leaning forward on the table and grinning.

June sputtered, looking away on instinct.

“Yeah, I used to. Obviously not anymore, he has a fiance,”

“Why did you break up?” he asked, voice intensely casual.

Tess kicked Eden under the table, narrowing her eyes at him. She was a little worried that this question would spook Daniel, he was always self-conscious about the fact that Aden liked June, and Tess could only imagine how he felt now that they had actually dated for a few years. Talking about Anden (especially his relationship with June) was always tricky with Daniel.

Eden just winked at her, gave her this look like he’s got it all under control.

"I’m going to need more to drink if I’m going to answer that,” June laughed, voice still nervous.

“I’ve got it covered, don’t worry,” Tess piped up, scooping June’s drink off of the table as she walked by.

“I could go for some more too!” Pascao called, lifting his glass up in the air.

“Get it yourself, it’s not your birthday,” she teased and thumped his shoulder.

“Yeah, don’t be so lazy,” Anden chided, standing and kicking Pascao in the leg.

“I’m not lazy,” he grumbled as he got up from his chair.

“Can I get in on this?” Eden asked, shifting around in his seat.

“Sure, you just gotta walk to the kitchen,” Tess answered, grabbing his shoulder as she walked by.

“Alright Tess,” Pascao sighed once they were in the kitchen, “fill it up,”

“We’re out of wine because it’s disgusting, so we just have to drink champagne now,”

“Tess, champagne _is_ wine.” Anden countered.

“Red wine, I mean,”

She grabbed the bottle of champagne and a bottle opener and then struggled to get it open.

“Do you want help, or?” Pascao asked, watching her fumble with the opener.

“I got it,” she muttered through gritted teeth, flipping the bottle around in her grip. “I got it.”

Then suddenly, the cork came out and champagne foam exploded out of the bottle and splashed into Tess’s face and hair. She shrieked and pulled the bottle away, erupting into laughter almost immediately. The whole kitchen was laughing now, and Pascao was laughing to the point where he was having trouble breathing, his laughs got wheezy.

“Oh my god,” he cackled, gripping the counter for support, “oh my god.”

Eden was laughing louder and harder than Tess had heard him laugh in a long time, one hand pinned to his forehead.

“How did you do that?” he snorted, grabbing her arm. “How did it backfire that much?”

“I don’t know.” she shook her head, voice strained from laughter, “I don’t know.”

“What’s going on in there?” June asked from the dining room, but everyone was laughing too hard to answer her.

“There’s champagne in your hair!” he snickered, taking a strand of it in his hand, it was dangerously close to her face. “How did that happen?”

“Leave it, leave it alone,” she giggled, brushing his hand away, she almost couldn't talk she was laughing so hard, “stop, drop it.”

Eden fell a little forward on her, breathing getting short and laughter getting more high pitched, the strand of hair he was cradling dropped from his grip.

Tess had been laughing so hard and for so long that her legs were starting to get weak, and she grabbed onto Eden’s shoulder and the counter next to her for support.

“Tess,” Anden chuckled, wiping his cheek off, “you never fail to surprise me,”

“I underestimated your ability to be a disaster,” Pascao wheezed, grinning at Tess.

Tess put down the bottle with shaking hands, still struggling to catch her breath.

Eden was still holding her arm and was still huffing out short laughs.

“What happened?” June asked, leaning on the bar and peering into the disaster in the kitchen.

“I spilled-” Tess started, then stopped to giggle again, “I spilled champagne everywhere…”

“How?”

Tess shook her head, pushed Eden away and walked over to June.

“It got everywhere,” she stammered, shaking her head to try and displace some of the champagne sticking to her hair.

She handed June her glass with shaky hands, she still laughed occasionally through her nose.

“Here’s your drink,” she tittered, barely containing herself when June raised her eyebrows at Tess.

“Thank you, although I could have done without all the stuff that came with it,”

Tess chortled, covering her mouth with her hand to stifle it as she sat back down.

Eden sat across from her, hand similarly placed against his mouth. His eyes swept up and caught Tess’s gaze, shimmering with amusement and brimming slightly with tears.

Tess snorted, choking a little on her drink.

“Don’t look at me,” she stumbled, looking away to keep from laughing again.

Eden took a long sip of his champagne, coughing a little afterward but keeping his composure.

“Anyway,” June started, staring at Eden levelly as Anden and Pascao tumbled in through the kitchen, “I broke up with Anden because I realized there was someone I loved more, who I would always love more, and it was unfair to keep stringing him along.”

Eden’s eyes widened, he seemed shocked by the sudden tone shift and shocked by her answer.

“And look at him now!” She continued, gesturing to Anden and smiling fondly. “He’s doing better than I am!”

“Aren’t I always?” Anden replied smoothly, grinning back at June.

She scoffed and bent over to look at him incredulously.

“So you threw away a relationship with a rich, powerful, person with a promising future who lives like five minutes away from you, for- what, a chance with someone else?” Eden asked, he seemed shocked by her answer, even though he knew how the story would end.

June turned to him, gaze soft and warm, she reached across the table and squeezed his hand on the table.

“That’s just what you do for love sometimes.”

Eden blinked at her, taken aback. He seemed to be deeply considering the answer as Tess glanced over at Daniel to see how he was holding up. He was staring at the table, face just faintly red, hand clenched around his fork. Tess hoped to telepathically convey to him that June meant him, that June still considered him the love of her life.

_Hey,_ she thought _,_ narrowing her eyes at Daniel _, she’s talking about you._

“It just seems smarter to go with what’s easier,” Eden brought up, still not settled with this subject.

“That’s not how love works, kid,” Pascao responded for June, leaning his head in his palm.

“It was maybe easier at the time, but trust me, it wouldn’t have been easier in the long run. It’s always easier to be with who you want, not who’s convenient.”

Eden slumped back in his chair, thinking. Tess could see the gears turning behind his eyes.

_She’s_ _talking about you, Daniel._

The conversation turned to lighter subjects when Pascao asked about Daniel’s job in Antarctica, and Tess could see June getting worked up just at the thought of Day in a suit. June was so immersed in Daniel’s stories from work, nothing could tear her attention away. A bomb could go off and she’d still be in a trance, listening to Daniel, eyes fixed on him.

She nudged June’s leg under the table and raised her eyebrows at her, and June flushed and looked away immediately.

Eventually, after another hour and a half, after they had moved from the living room, June rose from her chair and said that she had to go, it was late, she was tired, she had work tomorrow. Tess didn’t try to argue with her, it was no use, she knew June wouldn’t stay long.

“Oh, but June-” she started softly, even though it was pointless to try she did it just to be polite, just to try to stir Daniel.

“It’s late, and it’s only getting later, and I have work tomorrow,” she listed off reasons, gently brushing Tess’s shoulder as she walked by.

“At least let Anden or someone walk you home,”

“I’m fine, I’m perfectly capable of-”

“I’ll walk her.” Daniel offered, standing from the couch with a fearful look in his eye.

_There you go Day, there you go._

“I’ll walk her home,” he cleared his throat and turned to June, “if you want me to, that is.”

June seemed stunned, blinking at Day in complete silence.

“Sure, I’d love that.” she murmured, and Tess could have sworn she saw June flutter her eyelashes just a little.

_Success!_ she mentally cheered, watching smugly as Daniel and June made their way to the door.

“Eden, do you-”

“I’ll stay here,” Eden cut Daniel off, waving his hand casually, “I can walk home later, I’ll be fine.”

Daniel nodded, smiling at him gratefully and then turning to Tess.

“Bye Tess, I’ll see you soon,”

“Later, Daniel.”

June looked over at Tess, lowering her chin and making steady, emotional eye contact.

“Goodnight Tess, thank you.” She said sincerely, her serious and loving tone pulled on Tess’s heart.

“Yeah,” she mumbled aside, her neck was hot, “don’t mention it,”

As June and Daniel leave, everyone said final rounds of goodbyes and everyone told June happy birthday at least two more times.

Tess felt a deep sense of pride in herself for making this work, and a steady hope that the two of them could handle it from here.

“Alright, June’s birthday party is over, now it’s time for Eden’s internship interview party!” Eden cheered, tumbling his way through the two i words.

“What does an Eden internship interview party entail?” Tess asked, sitting back down on the couch next to Eden and displacing him slightly. He thought for a minute, turning to glance at Tess. His glasses were tilted on his nose, Tess wanted to reach over and adjust them for him.

“I don’t know, I’ve never been invited to a party, I don’t know what goes on in them,” he admitted, his shoulder was touching Tess’s on the couch, her skin was burning. “What goes on at a party?”

“Nothing we could do with four people,”

“Hey!” Pascao shouted from his crumpled up position on the armchair, he got sleepy when he drank too much. Sleepy and loud. “It doesn’t take more than that to rob a store!”

“Hell yeah!” Eden cheered, his sudden movement slumped Tess further against him.

Maybe she needed a new couch.

“We’re not going to do that,” Anden decided, he seemed afraid even of the suggestion.

“Oh Anden,” Tess cooed, reaching over to sock him in the arm, “you loveable wet blanket you.”

Anden rolled his eyes, rubbing the spot where Tess had hit him.

“Let’s rob a store!” Pascao shouted again, but his eyes were closed and he made no move to get up.

“Let’s not,” Anden suggested, narrowing his eyes at Pascao.

They didn’t end up robbing a store, and Pascao was too incoherent to play any games, so they just kinda sat on the couch and talked for a while.

After some time, Anden looked at his watch and decided he should go home.

“I’ll take Pascao with me,” he said, standing up from the couch and touching Pascao’s arm.

“Oh?” Tess raised her eyebrows.

“And I’ll drop him off at his house,” Anden clarified, rolling his eyes at Tess.

“Whatever you say, I’m not one to judge,” she put her hands up in defense, and Eden snickered next to her.

Tess almost forgot that they had the same sense of humor.

Tess had just talked to Eden yesterday, she remembers that call, but everything feels different now. Higher stakes, more intimate, Eden is clearer and Tess can read him like a book. It feels good, seeing him like this, feeling him next to her, it feels really good.

“Where are you taking me?” Pascao grumbled as Anden helped him out of the chair, bringing Tess back down into the present.

“To your house idiot,” Anden explained, a bite in his voice.

Pascao didn’t respond, his head drooped against Anden’s shoulder.

“I didn’t even think he had that much,” Eden questioned, watch Anden struggle to get Pascao to the door.

“It’s entirely possible that he’s doing that thing that kids do when they pretend to be asleep so their parents will carry them to bed.”

Eden snorted and pointed at Tess laughing loudly.

“I remember that! I used to do that!” He hiccuped after his sentence, and he seemed to be baffled by it.

“And Pascao’s a lightweight,” Tess poked Eden in the chest, “and so are you.”

“Bye guys, thanks for dinner Tess!” Anden called out as he left, Pascao mumbled something about thanks as well.

“Bye Anden! Thanks for taking Pascao with you,” Tess shouted after him as he left, she felt a strong and sudden sense of love for them both.

It hit her hard tonight just how much she loved her friends.

“So,” Eden started, lifting his legs onto the couch, practically setting them in Tess’s lap, “what do we do now?”

“Now, I think is when the demon summoning begins.”

Eden laughed, fantastically, he threw his head back and his shoulders shook.

Tess’s head spun, her mouth went dry.

Everything was so easy between them, it always was. They could roll for hours, not talking about anything, and they’d never get bored. Eden was always one step behind her, perfectly in sync, they had the same thoughts at the same time and had the same feelings about everything that mattered. It was like someone ripped Tess’s heart in half and put it inside Eden, so she’d only be whole again with him.

That night flew by, seconds molding into hours, Tess got caught up in Eden’s eyes and how warm he was, the heat radiating off of him, the weight of his legs in her lap. They didn’t talk about anything in particular, but Tess thinks of that night as one of the most important nights in her whole life. That night changed her whole life, every second sealed her fate.

At some point as Tess got up to pour them both more champagne, Eden mentioned the balcony, about how he was impressed that she had one.

“It’s just a balcony,” she had said, smiling tauntingly at his excitement, “most gem sector apartments have one.”

“Yeah, but the fact that you, Tess, are living in a gem sector apartment is what I’m impressed by. You’re living in a big fancy building, you have a balcony and rugs and wine glasses, you have a steady job and furniture and a TV with real stations.” Eden was gesturing around as he talked, spinning on his heel and motioning to their surroundings. “I’m proud of you, that’s what I’m saying. I’m saying I’m proud of you for making it, for getting here, for working hard enough to get to where you deserve to be.”

Tess felt her heart shudder in her chest, her blood was unbearably warm in her veins, in her cheeks, in her ears. She could feel the world slow to a stop as she focused on Eden.

She looked away, the tips of her ears bright red.

“It’s just a balcony.”

She and Eden did go out on it, though.

And she marks the point when she watched the city lights reflect on Eden’s glasses when she noticed the night sky was the exact color of his eyes, when the cool breeze ruffled his hair and blew it into his eyes, she marks that point as the point of no return.

* * *

Tess sighed deeply, taking off her steamy glasses and laying them on the brink of the tub next to her.

She rubbed her fingers deep into the bridge of her nose, trying to ease the building tension headache from all of this emotional stress.

She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, adjusting the sloppy updo she currently had knotted her hair into.

She sank a little deeper into the water, feelings rising hot and dangerous in her guts, burning up her throat and sinking in her chest.

Tess slipped into the water until it was up to her chin, and reached over and turned the water back on, waiting until it was hot enough.

Waiting until it was hot enough to block everything else out.


	2. I said I loved you to death, so I must be dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It makes me sick you know my skin, my sins are all built-in," I Felt Younger When We Met- Waterparks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAA OH MY GOD I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!  
> So I kinda fell out of the Legend fandom and some bad personal shit happened and some good personal shit happened and just it's been chaos and I have had trouble keeping up :((  
> But I haven't stopped thinking about this fic and i've worked really hard on this chapter, it just took realllyyy long and i'm sorry about that!  
> Also every time I think about Tess and Eden's fate in Rebel it makes me sad, and it just fuels the fire for this fanfic even more and I have not stopped being upset about how Tess was written out of Rebel.  
> This chapter is kinda mostly exposition and it's mostly establishing things and setting up things to come, so if it's all over the place that's why. I hope it feels at least semi-coherent but you never know.  
> Oh also sorry if this chapter is melodramatic, I got worried it was getting that way while editing but I'm not sure how to fix it so you all just gotta deal unfortunately.  
> Also the song from the title is a BOP please go listen to the entire Fandom album right now immediately.  
> Okay okay so this has been a long time coming so I'm going to let you read now, and I really hope it was worth the wait!!!

When Tess woke up, the sky was on fire.

The sky was colored so brightly, sharp plunges of colors burning outside her window. Deeply saturated, sharp brushstrokes of electric orange and simmering yellow were cutting across the sky. Her whole room was shaded a fiery pink, she could see the fuschia color seep into her skin, could see it reflect off of her hair. Everything was seeped through in color, as bright as Tess had ever seen.

Tess was in awe for a minute, staring at it.

Tess rolled over when she felt something shift behind her, immediately remembering that Eden was in bed next to her, immediately remembering the previous night. She stared at him for a minute, watching his chest rise gently up and down in time with his soft breathing. Eden’s hair was reflecting the stunning light from outside and Tess felt her heart buckle. The orange hues from the sunrise shaded Eden clementine colored.

Tess laid there, perfectly content to watch Eden sleep peacefully. His face was softer without the stress of everything weighing on him, he looked completely relaxed. Tess wished he could always look like that.

And, she wished that she could kiss him.

His lips were parted slightly, his hair was wild and curly and hung over his face, Tess was overcome suddenly with love for him, bubbling hot in her stomach and fogging up her mind. But, she didn’t want to wake him up, so she forced herself to wait like a dog waiting for its owner to come home.

“Go back to sleep,” Eden said suddenly. His voice was hoarse with sleep, it made Tess’s stomach flip (and startle a little, she hadn’t expected him to start talking).

“How did you even know I was awake? You haven’t opened your eyes.”

“You’re staring at me,”

“You’re just really pretty.”

Eden smiled, softly, just barely, and moved his face further into the pillow. A light blush was starting to cover his cheeks.

“You’re pretty too, but you don’t see me waking you up because of it,”

Tess flushed, hot blood rushed to her cheeks and ears, warming her out of sleep.

“I’m always pretty,” she murmured, like an afterthought, reaching her hand out to cup his cheek.

Eden leaned into her hand, breath hitching for a second.

“Shut up, go back to sleep,” he mumbled, drowsy and distracted.

Tess smiled, sleep was crawling back to her with the sound of Eden’s voice, weighing her mind down, she was having trouble keeping her eyes open. She wasn’t sure if she had ever woken up completely.

As Tess fell back asleep, she felt Eden’s hand reach up to hold hers, still resting on his cheek. His hand was warm, and Tess felt secure.

Tess woke up, again, later, to someone shuffling around on her bed.

Her first thought was that Roach was being his usual bastard self, but the thing moving around seemed bigger and heavier than her tiny devil cat so she peeled an eye open to investigate. It was Eden, reaching over her and fumbling around on the bedside table like he wasn’t in control of his own arm.

“What are you doing?” she asked sleepily, squinting at him.

“I’m, um-” he paused as he moved his hand around blindly, Tess heard something fall over, “I’m trying to find my glasses,”

Tess hummed, closing her eyes.

“Did you even put them there?”

“I think so?”

Tess opened one eye, the world around her unsurprisingly blurry beyond distinction. She opened the other eye, and things got a little clearer, and she reached over to the table where Eden was unsuccessfully trying to find his glasses. Within a few seconds, she found them, and held up the cool metal frames into the air triumphantly, balancing them between two fingers.

“You’re welcome.” She teased, wiggling them in her hold a little before Eden grabbed them.

“Thanks,” he replied, it was meant to be sarcastic, but it lacked any edge.

Tess smiled easily, she grabbed her own glasses and put them on before stretching out her arms. One of her hands brushed Eden’s cheek accidentally, and he pushed it away playfully.

“You have long arms,” he complained.

“I have proportionate arms, I’m just flexible,” she replied, rolling over to face him.

"That doesn't even make sense," Eden laughed gently, and Tess reveled in how relaxed he was. His voice made her heart skip.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer, and Tess shuddered. Eden still had such an effect on her, even small things he did made her crazy, she couldn’t look away from him.

Everything was perfect, the sun was filtering into the room warmly, it all seemed comforting and soft, Eden was holding her in his arms, she was content. Tess wished she could feel like this forever.

“What time is it?” Eden asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

Tess tore her gaze away from Eden and looked at the clock on her bedside table.

“It’s eight-seventeen,” she reported back. She wanted to shuffle closer to him again but she figured they should probably get up soon. Eden had his interview, and Tess had a job (and not really the kind she could be late to).

“What time is your interview?” Tess asked, and she hoped that it wasn’t anytime soon. She did feel somewhat guilty for keeping Eden over when he had a job interview, and she’d feel awful if he was late or missed it.

“Ten thirty,” Eden replied, yawning again.

“Oh good, I was worried you’d be late or something,”

“Well, there’s still a chance of that happening.”

Tess scoffed, propping her head up, resting on her palm.

“You’ve never been late for anything in your life, you’re too nerdy for that.”

Eden looked scandalized, laying a hand on his chest dramatically.

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’ve broken the rules plenty of times!”

“Oh yeah?” Tess taunted, shimmying a little closer to him. “Name one time.”

“Well for starters,” he began, pushing himself up with one arm so he was hovering over Tess, “I stayed the night here instead of going back to my hotel room and getting a good night’s sleep for my interview.”

Tess wasn’t sure what to say to that, sometimes Eden knocked the wind out of her. For all her clever quipping and snarking, sometimes Eden just caught her completely off guard. Eden didn’t continue, he just bent down and kissed her, and that was something Tess knew how to respond to.

She wrapped her arms around Eden’s neck, immediately twirling a strand of soft hair around her finger. Eden rested his weight on the hand near her head, and Tess draped a leg over his torso in an attempt to bring him closer to her. It had been less than twenty-four hours since whatever this is began, but Tess was already used to it. She pulled his bottom lip in between her teeth and tugged on his hair gently. She felt her heart still in her chest at the shudder that went through him.

After a little while of things going just like that, perfect and easy, Eden opened his dumb mouth again.

“Weren’t we going to get up?” he mumbled, pulling away slightly.

Tess sighed, and tilted her head up to kiss Eden again, she wasn’t happy about him pulling away, even for a second.

“Maybe we planned on it at some point,” she replied softly, and kissed him again, “I’m sure we can wait a little longer though,”

“You’re a doctor, I don’t think it’s a good job to be late to,” Eden countered.

Tess noted with amusement the similarity in what he said and her thoughts from earlier. All the time they’ve spent together these past years really did rub off on them.

“It’ll be fine, people can take care of their own stab wounds for an extra hour or two,” she murmured, tugging her fingers through his hair.

Eden pushed himself up further, but he kept his face close to hers.

“Tess, honey, we gotta get up.” He coaxed.

Tess sighed again, even though it was more of a squeak, pushing her back into the bed and fidgeting around. She was not prepared in any way for the pet name.

“Fine,” she grumbled, “but only because you called me honey,”

He grinned at her, then sat up and moved away, leaving Tess flustered and pouting on the bed.

“You should put on pants!” she called from where she was laying on the bed, but Eden just laughed and kept walking out of the bedroom.

Tess sighed heavily and reluctantly pulled herself up from the bed, adjusting the blankets and pillows out of habit. She figured she should probably put on pants or shorts or something like that too, but if Eden wasn’t going to she wouldn’t either, and it didn’t really matter considering the shirt she was wearing was long on her anyway.

However when Tess walked past the mirror she realized it was clear in her appearance what she had done last night, with her matted hair and pants-less low-effort outfit, and the thought inspired a jolt of pride to go through her. Despite the negative connotations it usually had, which Tess found herself conveniently forgetting.

Eden was already in the kitchen when Tess left her bedroom, looking at her coffee maker like it was some complicated contraption.

“What? You want coffee?” she asked, stepping next to him and trying to see if there was anything actually wrong with the machine.

“No,” Eden tilted his head and looked over the buttons “I don’t really drink coffee. I was just trying to see if this thing could make just hot water for tea,”

“How do you know I have tea?” Tess teased, smiling up at Eden.

“I went through your pantry,” he explained, and when Tess faked being shocked at him he continued, “it’s not like there’s anything private or weird in there! Just like an absurd amount of pasta.”

“I like pasta,” Tess defended half-heartedly as she grabbed Eden’s mug and set it under the coffee maker, setting it to hot water only.

“Ohh.” Eden murmured, nodding, “I thought maybe that was like the specialty brew button or something,”

“No, just hot water. All the icons on this thing are mugs of some kind though so I understand your confusion.”

There was a short moment of comfortable silence, and Tess realized when her stomach almost growled loud enough to hear that she was actually pretty hungry.

“Do you want breakfast or anything?” Tess asked casually, but the intimacy of their situation wasn’t lost on her. Eden was here, in her kitchen, after spending the night, and she was asking him if he wanted breakfast. A shiver ran down her spine.

“As long as it’s not pasta,” Eden quipped, nudging Tess with his elbow.

“I can do that,” she replied, bumping him with her hips. The action made her heart flutter with domesticity, the casualness of their interaction settled something in her mind, it reassured her that this was real.

She pushed away from the counter and walked over to the fridge as Eden took out his mug from under the machine and placed a tea bag in it. She was already used to this casual intimacy. She already thought she could spend the rest of her life like this.

As she looked around in the fridge, tapping her foot, Eden started talking about his internship, and even though he tried to keep it hidden Tess could hear the excitement lacing his voice. She wanted every morning to be like this.

She noticed something on the third shelf that could work, and she pulled it out as Eden continued chatting happily about his plans for the future. In the container were three pieces of cake, frosted and evenly cut, and they hardly moved as Tess set the container down on the counter.

“I thought June took her cake home?” Eden mentioned, glancing at the slices.

“Yeah but I saved some of it for me, who do you think I am?” Tess jokes, pulling off the top of the container and getting out plates.

Eden huffed out a laugh, grinning at Tess.

She set down a plate and fork in front of Eden, and another one in front of her. There was a part of her that wanted to share food off of one plate, like in the movies, but just having him here with her was enough. For today, anyway.

They continued talking, mostly Eden was talking but Tess didn’t mind one bit, and ate their cake, and as the morning went on Tess fell more and more in love with the idea of waking up every morning to Eden next to her. The morning light coming in from the balcony reflected off of Eden and made him seem almost angelic, his hair was glowing and his eyes were sparkling. Tess literally couldn’t take her eyes off of him.

Eventually, they both had to get ready, and Eden needed to go back to the hotel he was staying at to get his clothes and shower and fully prepare for the interview.

They stood by the door for ten minutes, holding hands and putting off leaving.

“I’ll just tell Daniel you made me stay here because it was so late,” Eden explained when Tess asked what Daniel would think of him sleeping over with Tess, “he won’t question it, especially if you don’t say anything.”

He kissed her on the lips chastely, the content smile he had never once left his face.

Tess smiled amusedly at him, though she was sure she looked as dazed as she felt.

“I’m no snitch,” she replied easily, “you should know that by now,”

Eden grinned wider at her and kissed her again.

“I’ll see you later Tess,” he promised, resting his forehead against hers.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll see you around,” she kissed him again, “especially once you get that internship,”

Eden squeezed her hand and walked out the door, and Tess missed him the second he left. She felt love, domestic and easy, wash over her, and as she got ready for work, she couldn’t help but hum and tap her foot a little. 

* * *

Tess was predisposed to jealousy.

When she was a kid, attention was the difference between getting a meal and going hungry. Whether that meant begging on neighbor’s doorsteps and listening to their problems for a slice of bread, or complementing and helping her mom until she got a piece of apple, having and keeping attention was a cornerstone of her childhood. While it’d be nice if that had given her a nice need to please everyone and a good work ethic, all it had done was make her incredibly dependent and jealous enough to kill her.

So when Eden had come home from Antarctica, a month later, settled and confident with a new haircut, towing Pressa by the hand, Tess felt like all of her nerves were being sliced in half.

June, Tess, Pascao, and Anden all went out to greet them at the airport, and Tess was as excited as ever. Because of the way they left things, with Eden promising to call but never getting around to it, Tess was bouncing on her feet waiting to see him again.

They hadn’t seen much of each other while he was there, but that night when he came back to her apartment, it had more than made up for it, it had more than solidified Tess’s hope that he felt the same way about her. She was so excited to see him again, to do all the things she wanted to do, to run up to him and hug him, to express how much she’d longed for him while he was gone.

Day walked out first, careful and jittery, avoiding the cameras and questions at a quick pace. He did seem to relax once he caught June’s eye, though.

(Tess felt a jolt of pride in her stomach for them.)

Then Eden walked out after him, and everything Tess felt was suddenly and violently amplified.

Her thoughts all spun out in a whirlwind centered around Eden, she thought she might fall over. She was so caught up in her dizzy focus on Eden, that she almost didn’t notice Pressa tailing along behind him. She almost didn’t notice the fact that they were holding hands.

Oh, but when she did notice, she thought she’d never been in more pain in her entire life.

Jealousy roared, ugly and fiery, in her gut and her hands clenched on instinct. Her shoulders hunched up near her chin and her heels dug into the ground. The feeling was so strong she thought her heart might stop.

Sure, Tess had suspected something was off about Pressa and Eden, but after what had happened the last time Eden was here, Tess felt certain that everything between them would settle, everything would work out. She hadn’t thought that Eden would turn around and date someone else, she hadn’t considered the fallout that would happen if he did that.

Tess was stunned into a painful silence as the three of them walked over to where she was waiting.

Daniel and June ran to each other in the romantic movie way that Tess had wanted to run to Eden. They ran to each other so fast and so steadily it seemed like they were being pulled by magnets. June held onto Daniel tightly, like she was trying to make up for things in the past. Tess was happy for them, really, but the sight also made her a little sick to see it.

Another thing, Tess had always been dramatic. She had always overreacted, always felt things a little too strongly, she lost her mind when things went wrong. So when Pressa and Eden walked up to her, to where she was waiting, she was so furious she thought she might actually burst.

“Hi, Tess,” Eden said contently, still holding Pressa’s hand, and Tess felt like her heart would stop and the blood vessels would implode from the sheer amount of anger she was feeling.

“Hey,” she managed through clenched teeth, her vision tunneling around Pressa and Eden’s linked hands.

“You’ve met Pressa,” Eden stated, gesturing to her with his free hand.

If Tess didn’t know better (which she might not, actually,) she would have thought Eden was rubbing it in her face on purpose. Then again, that might be exactly what he was doing. She couldn’t tell, everything was upside down, nothing made sense anymore.

Anden, Daniel, June, and Eden all engaged in conversations quickly, June holding on to Daniel’s arm and Eden and Pressa still joined by their hands like links in a chain.

Tess just stood there, awkward and alone, trying not to think about what would hurt less than this did. She thought about it anyway, she made a list.

1: Bashing her head on the concrete.

2: Getting hit by a jeep.

3: Falling off of a building, the tall ones Daniel used to climb.

4: Ripping her veins out one by one.

She couldn’t think of a fifth one before Pressa turned, left out of the current conversation but being tethered by Eden’s hand to that spot, and smiled at Tess. It was a casual, polite smile. The kind you give to the lady waiting in line next to you who has two kids, one of whom is whining and yanking on her arm. It was a courtesy smile, she gave it because she had to. Still, Tess’s heart stilled for a second in a mixture of agony and jealousy and admiration.

Pressa turned away again, she bounced on her feet a little like she was ready to go whenever the need arose.

Even from this angle, from the side, Pressa was stunning and heart-stoppingly gorgeous. Tess couldn’t count all of the things that were beautiful about Pressa on all her fingers and toes, she didn’t have enough to list everything.

(Not that she felt like listing everything, just the first things she noticed made her feel like her lungs were full of knives.)

Pressa’s eyes were even prettier now that she wasn’t grieving, or at least not openly grieving. The happiness and optimism made them sparkle, and they were such a deep brown that sometimes you couldn’t distinguish the pupil from the iris.

Tess’s heart stirred.

Her hair was neat and combed, properly shampooed, and purposefully styled. It framed her face neatly, not a single hair was out of place. She looked elegant and perfectly fit for the situation, not too fancy but not too casual.

Tess couldn’t help but spiral as she watched Pressa glance up at Eden fondly before turning back to the rest of the group.

Pressa's neck was long and unblemished, the skin was smooth and her collarbone was pronounced. Tess always found herself thinking back to how sharp Pressa’s cheekbones are.

Pressa was small, too, in all senses. Short and slim, she looked sturdy despite her tiny appearance. Sometimes small people look flighty and easily blown away, Pressa looks stable, she looks set. But she was still short, and the height difference between her and Eden made Tess’s stomach churn. Which, essentially, Tess and Pressa were the same height apart. Sometimes being around Pressa made Tess feel like a giraffe around a horse. If Tess combined her height with Pressa’s everything else it’d make a gorgeous, unstoppable elf girl.

Tess couldn’t get over Pressa’s height, she wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because she kept imagining how much Eden would have to bend over to kiss her, while he wouldn’t have to bend at all to kiss Tess.

Wouldn’t that be easier? Wasn’t what he had with Tess easier?

Tess would have made it easy for him, she promises, she’d have been kind and good and considerate and everything Eden needed.

Tess’s feelings for Eden were destructive and heavy inside her, she could feel them like razors in her gut.

There were several times where Tess could have jumped in to say something, several gaps fit for her voice to enter in, but she didn’t ever talk. She couldn’t quite get any words out. She wondered if she looked as devastated as she felt. She wondered if she looked like she had died twice over.

No one seemed to notice anything was off, or maybe the excitement of Eden and Daniel being back was enough to distract them.

Tess wished she could be half as excited as she was that morning. As she was an hour ago.

“Well we should probably get going,” Eden suggested, cutting the conversation short (as short as a fifteen-minute conversation could be). He turned to Pressa and grinned at her.

“Shouldn’t we?” He asked, voice sweet and gentle. Pressa smiled back at him, nodding.

Eden bent over like Tess predicted he had to, and he kissed Pressa. Securely, passionately, they kissed like no one else was around.

And everything inside Tess shattered.

* * *

Tess has always been a crier, all her life. When Daniel forgot June and went back to Antarctica, June only cried for a day. Then a deeper, more internal sadness settled in, which is harder. It’s more difficult to fix. Termites in the foundation.

Tess, though, Tess could cry for weeks and still not be over something.

Tess cries when someone raises their voice at her, she cries when she watches sad movies, she cries when things are over. And, especially, she cries when she’s hurting.

Tess felt horrible, literally, she thought she’d never felt worse in her life.

Few things in her life felt more terrible than this, and at the moment, she was having trouble remembering them.

She felt like someone was ripping her heart out piece by agonizing piece, Eden had clawed her lungs out, had dug her chest hollow, and left her to rot in a grave she dug for herself. She had finished crying, for the most part, but the burning anvil of pain was still sinking in her chest, it weighed down her limbs, it made her heart sluggish and slow, her nerves were rusted over.

Or at least she thought she was done crying, then the image of Eden leading Pressa in for a kiss right in front of her appeared in Tess’s mind and she fell to pieces again.

She was left wide-eyed and bleeding, left to decompose and die, her life was ripped up to bits and thrown on the ground, she was struggling to scoop up the pieces.

Tess felt like her feelings were being sucked out through a vacuum, like she was an astronaut in space whose suit broke, and everything in her was painfully tearing through her skin to get out.

The idea of doing anything, at all, even getting up to make food or get a drink of water to replenish what she’d lost while crying made her sick, she couldn’t imagine functioning even slightly. She hurt too much to function. She just wanted to lay in the dirt, where she belonged, and let the Earth slowly and agonizingly reclaim her.

Then she heard a knock on the door and was lifted briefly from her delusional blackout sobbing.

“Tess?” Someone on the other side called, and Tess’s mind was working far too hard already to be able to process who it was.

“It’s Pascao,” the voice continued as if he knew that Tess would be having trouble.

(For a brief, brief moment, Tess had thought it was Eden. Showing up at her door to apologize, to comfort her, to scoop her back into his arms.)

“I want to come in, I saw what happened,” Pascao’s voice was gentle, Tess could picture him leaning against the door with sad eyes.

“Come in,” she croaked and helplessly tried to make herself seem more presentable. It was useless, the mascara was stained on her cheeks and her eyes were a bleary red.

The door opened, and an upset Pascao walked into her apartment, he got more upset when he saw her.

“Tess,” he sighed, tilting his head to the side, the pity in his voice was so strong that it made Tess’s teeth hurt.

Normally she’d recoil away from pity, something she was far too familiar with, but she was tired tonight. Besides, if she looked even half as bad as Tess thought she did, then she deserved the pity.

She laughed humorlessly, she sounded even worse when she laughed.

“What happened?” Pascao asked tenderly, sitting down next to her on the floor. He didn’t sit on the couch, even though Tess was just in front of it. It was a small detail, but it reassured Tess if only a little.

“You _saw_ what happened,” Tess stated, staring straight ahead, “Eden got a girlfriend.”

“But what has happened since then?” Pascao pressed, leaning just a little closer to Tess like that’d help her answer.

“I’ve just been sitting here,” Tess replied, she didn’t feel like going into detail. She didn’t think she could.

“Doing what?”

“Exactly what I’m doing now.”

Pascao sighed again and scooted closer to her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her in for a tight hug.

“Tess,” he cooed, petting her hair softly.

Then Tess started crying all over again.

Pascao held her close as she sobbed, which she was greatly appreciative of, she was a hot mess and she really was grateful that Pascao was here to help her through this, especially since she was being so difficult.

At some point, Tess had shifted the main reason she was crying from Eden to the fact that she was unloveable. Unloveable long term, anyway, she knew she could hook people for a few hours.

“Eden doesn’t love me,” she sobbed, back shaking with the force of her breathing, “no one loves me, no one ever loves me.”

She was shuddering so much that Pascao let go of her, so now she was just sitting against the couch, chest heaving.

“Everyone else has someone! Everyone else is dating and getting married and settling down forever. While I’m here-” she sniffled violently, voice wobbling, “I’m here crying on my floor!”

“Tess, Anden’s thirty-two, it makes sense that he’s getting married.”

“June’s getting married!”

“Well- that’s, June is a special case you know that.”

“And Eden went back to Antarctica and brought back a girlfriend, a girlfriend who’s like me two-point-oh.”

Pascao thought for a minute, chewing on his lip.

“It is very interesting that Eden picked a girl who you have so much in common with…”

Tess wasn’t listening, she was still crying.

“I’m just people’s rug to wipe their feet on!”

Tess was just the emotional support dog. She was disposable, people used her once then threw her away. She couldn’t help but think somewhere in the back of her mind that she deserved better than that. But that voice was drowned out by the loud wail that insisted this is exactly what she deserves.

“Tess that’s not true, people love you for who you are. Even if Eden is a dick, you still have friends who love you and one day you’ll find a relationship that you deserve that’ll stick.” Pascao soothed, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Tess shook her head, sticking her face in her folded arms on her knees, she sniffled again.

“I _have_ what I deserve.” She stated, voice muffled but certain. “Nothing.”

“Don’t say that,” Pascao scolded, shaking her shoulder so she’d look up at him, “you deserve more than that, you deserve to be happy.”

Tess felt her lip physically wobble as she looked at Pascao, her eyes were so watery that she could hardly see him at all.

“Then why aren’t I yet?” She demanded, asking the question that’s been eating away at her for years.

For all her life, it seems. If she really did deserve better, then why hasn’t she gotten it yet. She thought it when she worked for ten hours at her family’s dying fruit stand, she thought it as she waited with the garbage on the street, she thought it as she fought in a war she didn’t ask to be a part of. She’s thinking it now, as her heart is being chopped into pieces and her life is being drained from her.

“Tess,” Pascao tried, he fumbled for an answer, but Tess was already gone again.

She continued crying, she wasn’t sure how long, her misery blocked everything else out. She sort of forgot that Pascao was even there. Everything spun out wildly around her.

Tess didn’t remember much from her childhood, which was probably a good thing, but she could remember her family’s sugared fruits stand. The heat of the stove in the chilled night air, the scent of brown sugar, the juice of the fruit sticking to her hands. She remembered coring apples with the whole weight of her tiny body, carefully slicing pears in half, methodically clawing out the pit of a peach, precisely tearing the stone of a mango out. She remembered seeing the trash bags full of rotting fruit on the sidewalk, remembers walking by them every day, and heaving them up the street herself. She also remembers when she was that tossed-out bundle of rotting fruit, surrounded by piles of garbage, waiting on the curb for someone to pick her up. Tess thinks of the tossed out bags of fruit once more, thinking of the mushy, molding, mess inside the black garbage bags.

She feels like her heart is a peach stuffed into one of those bags, rotten and left to bake in the sun. She feels herself rot and feels her heart cave in like a pile of discarded fruit.

Pascao runs his fingers gently through her hair, in a comforting way, he tries his best to help her. He doesn’t try to say anything as she bawls into her hands, he knows nothing will help, so he just lets her go.

Tess thinks back to when Anden and June were still together, and that weird period when they had just broken up. It had been a long time coming, everyone had known, Anden had been using up borrowed time from the beginning. Yet, when Tess saw Anden sad and quiet after they broke up, she felt bad for him. Anden and June were never going to get anywhere, and everyone knew, but her heart ached for the man who was left behind in June’s all-consuming love for Day. He was the gory leftovers of a relationship that was never meant to work out, and it hurt to look at him. She supposed That’s what she is now as she sobs her heart out on the living room carpet in Pascao’s arms- the gory leftovers. The unwanted carnage after a deed is done. The hooves of the cow after it’s slaughtered, the dirty ashes after a fire, the smear on the stove that you can’t get off, the stale stench of cigarettes thirty years later.

Tess is nothing but a sad broken doll you’d find in the gutter of a road, and for a minute you feel pity for the thing, having served its purpose and being promptly thrown out, but it’s not that there’s anything you can do, and it’s not like you care that much.

Maybe this was where she was meant to end up.

After a few chest-heaving deep breaths, Tess found her voice again.

“I miss him,” she whimpered, her chest felt like it was filling with water, “I miss him more than anything. I’d do whatever it takes to get him back.”

She meant that, really. She was having trouble coming up with a hypothetical situation, something pretend and ridiculous that Eden would ask her for that she would instantly do for him. She settled on anything, she’d do anything for him. She’d _change_ anything for him.

She wondered what it was specifically about her, what it was that wasn’t good enough.

What could possibly be better about Pressa than her?

 _Everything,_ her mind answered, unhelpfully.

Tess mentally compared herself to Pressa again, running a mental image of Pressa and bringing up that list of her good qualities once more. She once again thought of all the things about Pressa that were better than Tess. Her hair, her attitude, her skin, her eyes. She wondered if it was something specifically with her personality, with her actions. She wondered what it was exactly that scared him away.

“I’ll be wonderful and doting and beautiful, I’ll be the image of perfection. I’ll be impossible for him to resist, I’ll make sure he wants me back, make sure that we get back to where we belong.” Tess sighed, horrible crushing sadness briefly suspended by the thought of them being together again.“He’ll love me again, he’ll want me again.”

She thought about all the changes she’d make. She could see so clearly the perfect image she’d create, she could see herself, new and improved, shimmering in her mind’s eye. And it struck Tess, upside the head, how she’d be willing to change her whole self if just to get Eden to look at her again. She’d abandon her entire personality, her entire character just so he’d want her as he did before.

 _Anything about me,_ Tess thought miserably as tears flooded from her eyes, _I'd change any and everything for you._

Pascao looked even more upset now, and Tess found herself wishing she was alone again.

“Tess,” Pascao started, reaching out to her. She wrenched away. “You shouldn’t have to change yourself for someone, you shouldn’t have to change yourself for love.”

“But I’m willing to,” she insisted, holding her hand to her chest and glaring at Pascao through blurry vision, “I want to.”

“If he really wanted you, he’d want you as you are,”

“Don’t-” Tess choked, air getting caught in her throat like a rabbit in a trap.

“You shouldn’t have to wait around for him, you deserve to have your own life.” He took a step closer, trying desperately to make her see where he was coming from. “You don’t need him. You shouldn’t need him.”

“I don’t care!” Tess shouted, she was tearing up again but couldn’t stop herself from crying. Pascao flinched back, eyes wide with shock. “I’ll wait for however long it takes! A year, five years, ten, it doesn’t matter! I’ll be here when he needs me, I’ll be here waiting for when he wants me again.”

“Tess,” Pascao soothed, voice calming but firm, “that’s not healthy.”

“I don’t care!” She shrieked again, her voice hadn’t been used too much to get to that volume, it split in the middle of her sentence. “I don’t care what’s healthy, what I should do, all I care about is getting Eden back and getting this fucking weight off of my chest!”

Pascao blinked at her, stunned into silence.

“And if you can’t handle that, if you can’t support me through that, then you can get out!” She hollered, she stomped her foot a little as she spoke- a reflexive reaction.

“Tess,” Pascao stammered, looking at her like she had slapped him.

“Get out!” She bellowed, louder than she had been that whole night, her fists clenched skin-breakingly tight. “Get out of my house!”

“You don’t mean that,” Pascao struggled like she was crazy like she didn’t know what she was talking about.

“I do,” she muttered, furious now, “I do mean it. Get! Out!”

Pascao walked on shaky legs to the door, the whole time staring at Tess as if she were a bomb about to go off. He looked shocked and offended and full of pity at the same time, and it made Tess’s blood boil. He walked out of the door, and into the hallway, and then he was gone.

Tess waited for a beat, just staring after him, waiting for her mind and body to catch up. Then, she started to sob again, hard as ever. At some point she had gotten up and leaned against the door, she wasn’t sure why, but all she did was cry against it.

She sobbed until she fell asleep on the doormat.

* * *

Which is where she woke up, on the doormat, to Roach licking her face.

Which is weird, Roach usually doesn’t lick her or act affectionate with her at all.

Tess looked around, sitting up painstakingly. Her neck was sore from laying in a crumpled ball on the floor, and her head was pounding. Her throat hurt and her voice was no doubt scratchy from the screaming and sobbing she had done the night before, she felt her heart sink as she remembered what had happened.

Roach yowled at her, sitting in front of her face and swishing his tail impatiently.

“What?” she asked, exasperated. Her voice was even worse than she expected.

She couldn’t remember when she fell asleep, she couldn’t remember when she stopped screaming. She’s surprised that no one called the cops on her.

He meowed again, narrowing his eyes at her like he was glaring.

Tess sighed deeply and sat up, running a hand through her hair and looking around. She had slept in her contacts, and her eyes were bothering her. She had done two things you shouldn't do in contacts, crying and sleeping.

“ _What_ do you _want?_ ” she asked, stretching and popping her back.

Roach shuffled his feet, flicking his tail impatiently. He yowled again.

Tess stood up, brushing off her helplessly wrinkled skirt, and looked over at the clock on the microwave. She felt her heart drop to her stomach as she realized she had woken up two hours later than she was supposed to. She shouted a string of curses and rushed to her bedroom, nearly tripping over Roach in the process.

“Is that why you were making so much noise you little bastard?” She shouted at him as she tugged on her pants. “You only care about yourself, don’t you? You just want me to feed you!”

Roach stared at her indifferently, then stalked out to go wait by his food bowl.

Tess scrambled around her apartment, not even taking out her contacts or taking time to brush her hair, trying to get to work as quickly as she could. She of course remembered to feed Roach and Fringe on her way out, and Roach still looked as indifferent as he did when she was waking up on the doormat.

Tess ran down the street, as fast as she could without falling over. She bumped into a few people in her hurry, but she didn’t have time to say anything other than a mumbled sorry as she dashed down the sidewalk. She got to the train station just in time, nearly tripping on the stairs up to the boarding area. She scrambled through the crowds and got on the train two minutes before it left, cutting it as close as she possibly could have.

Really, not owning a car (or being able to drive) wasn’t something she considered a setback or anything, the train worked just fine, but today was one of those rare instances where she wishes she had a car. But Tess made it to the train on time, and as it rattled down the track she found time to think about yesterday, and she felt time around her stop as she remembered the slices of pain she felt when she looked at Pressa and Eden holding hands.

An image of them kissing flashed before her eyes, and it felt like her entire chest sunk in. It felt like her chest was a black hole, and all her emotions were being sucked into nothingness. She tried not to cry on the train and focused on looking out the window.

Luckily, once Tess arrived at the hospital her mind was taken off her unbearable heartbreak by a patient lying on a gurney with their tibia snapped in half and sticking out from their leg, whom the nurses rushed by with once Tess walked in.

“Tess!” a familiar voice called, and Tess turned to see Carrie (a resident) waving her down across the hall.

Tess hopped across the floor and followed Carrie into the locker rooms, where Tess had to change into her lab coat and scrubs.

“You’re late,” Carrie scolded, glaring at Tess as she pulled on her scrubs.

“Yeah, but I’m the boss, who’s going to yell at me for it? Me?” Tess teased, hurriedly pulling on her lab coat and putting her hair up in the worst possible ponytail.

“Your voice sounds messed up, what did you do?”

Tess laughed humorlessly as she led Carrie out of the locker rooms and down the hall.

“Long story, this morning I woke up on the doormat,”

Carrie nodded in understanding.

“Right, up too late partying, I’ve been there,”

Tess paused, blinking at Carrie. That was the exact opposite of what Tess had spent the last night doing, but she’d rather Carrie think that Tess was up partying rather than bawling her vocal cords out on her tile floor.

“Yeah, sure,” Tess muttered, and she was thankful when the conversation switched back to work quickly as Carrie efficiently ran through what Tess missed.

Carrie was only a year younger than Tess, but Tess was in all ways Carrie’s boss. Carrie had gone through the normal process of years of education and then fellowship, and she still was considered a resident even. Tess had sort of an unconventional medical career, she was practicing with the patriots at fourteen, and _then_ she got educated. Luckily, there isn’t any awkwardness between them.

She was a sweet girl with blond hair that barely reached her shoulders and glasses that never seemed to fit. She was lovely with patients and coworkers alike, and she was one of the good doctors who you could tell was made to do this. She had gentle hands and a soft voice, and even being around her made Tess feel more at peace. Carrie always knew what to say and what to do and she reminded Tess of herself on a good day, or before when she was a new medic for the patriots back when she wasn’t all jaded and bitter.

“I saw an open fracture back there?” Tess mentioned, nodding behind them, breaking herself out of her musings.

“Yeah, a fourteen-year-old girl fell off a fire escape by accident, she doesn’t seem to have any underlying health conditions and we’re gonna get it fixed up, in the usual method,” Carrie explained, walking quickly next to Tess.

“Do I need to look at her?”

“I would, just to be sure everything's set for surgery.”

Tess nodded, and let Carrie lead her down the hall into the patient's room. She introduced herself and made small talk with the patient (and her two terrified friends, who were no doubt involved in the accident), and she felt the weight on her chest from the night before slowly slip off as she got immersed in her work.

The rest of the day wasn’t anything special, she supervised an appendectomy for a senator, she chatted with an old woman who had a blood disorder, she had a painstaking talk with the pathologist, it fit seamlessly into her memory with the other ordinary days at her work. She hardly had a second to consider how terrible she felt about Eden and Pressa, and she was thankful for that.

Currently, Tess was sitting in a chair in a waiting room, taking a break for a minute. Her mask was down around her neck, her lab coat was sprawled over her leg and the chair beneath her, she was certain that ninety percent of her hair had fallen out of the crude ponytail she had put it in earlier. Tess was watching a jeep roll by outside the window when Carrie walked over and sat down next to her.

“Hey,” she greeted, offering a simple wave.

“Hi, I just got finished with that one girl with the broken finger, took forever to get the placement right, I don’t know how she did that,” Carrie started conversationally, fiddling with her badge.

“Sounds stressful,” Tess sympathized, sinking back into the chair further, just hearing the story was making her tired.

“Yeah, well, there are only two hours left on my shift so-”

“Wait, it's seven already?” Tess gawked, sitting up straight again.

“Yup, you were talking with that radiologist for almost two hours.”

Tess sighed, resisting the urge to run a hand through her hair.

“God, I can’t believe that much time has passed.”

“You’ve been working hard,” Carrie soothed, smiling at Tess gently.

“I guess harder than I thought.”

There was a beat of silence before Carrie spoke up again.

“You gonna head home soon?”

“Maybe, I thought I’d put in a few more hours just to make up for being late this morning,” Tess admitted.

“Make it up to who? You’re the boss.”

Tess shrugged.

“You’ve had a productive day, you didn’t get much sleep last night, and waking up anywhere that isn’t your bed is not a good way to start the day,” Carrie explained, and Tess chuckled at the mothering that Carrie was trying to pull on her, she does the same to her friends. “I think going home and getting some rest would be beneficial for you.”

Tess sighed again, stretched, and smiled fondly at Carrie.

“Yeah okay miss resident-with-a-social-life, if what you told me earlier is true you’ve come in late after staying up all night too,” she teased.

“Who says I don’t sneak out early sometimes too,” Carrie joked back.

Tess’s stomach rumbled, interrupting the conversation.

“Yeesh,” Carrie commented, “have you eaten at all today?”

“I have!” Tess defended. “I had a pre-packaged cake and coffee.”

Carrie snickered.

“You might want to grab some real food on the way home.”

Tess rolled her eyes.

“Fine,” Tess laughed, “fine, I’ll go ahead and go home.”

“Good choice, maybe add getting a burger on the way into your plan,”

“If anything happens though-”

“I know I know, you’ll be one of the first people I call.”

Tess huffed a laugh through her nose.

“Alright, I’m gonna go get changed, see you around Carrie,” Tess said as she walked off, waving half-heartedly behind her.

“Get home safe!” Carrie called after her as Tess walked down the hallway and towards the locker room.

Tess took her gloves off and threw them away, she shuffled out of her lab coat and scrubs and put on her clothes she had worn in that morning (which she just realized were in far rougher shape than she thought), and she scrubbed her hands in the sink until they didn’t smell like chemicals anymore. She shook her hair out of that God-awful ponytail and walked out of the hospital doors, much calmer than she had run in them that morning.

The sun was getting ready to set, and the light was deep gold and seemed lazy as it reflected gently in people’s hair and off of surfaces.

Vaguely, Tess wished she had brought sunglasses.

As she walked back to the train station, a patient’s file hooked under her arm, her shoulders a little tense from the stress of a long day of honest work, Tess assured herself she was not gory leftovers, she was better than that. Maybe her getting an ego trip from her job isn’t great or incredibly healthy, but it did feel a hell of a lot better than waking up on her doormat because she was crying over a boy. Tess still felt like there was a knife stabbed deep in her side, but she could almost convince herself she could go on ignoring it, and that was all she needed. For now.

She had a few moments to wait before the train, and she filled it with people watching and observing the way the sunset glistened on the trains as they slipped by on silent wheels. Her eyes wandered to a woman holding a bouquet of flowers, wrapped in plastic that glittered in the sun, the man next to her held her other hand in his, securely. The woman looked up at him, smiling a little to herself, she looked relaxed in the way that she was around someone she loved. They seemed to stand out among the crowd, simply because of how sweet and happy they looked in a sea of indifference. Tess felt something tug at her heart, hard enough to bring a tear to her eye. She thinks she was jealous, but it was more than that. It was leftover hurt from the day before, it was pent up anger she had towards everything, it was the inherent spite that comes with seeing someone who’s happier than you are, the bitter pain that someone else has exactly what you’ve been trying so hard to get.

She looks away and adjusts the file under her arm and the bag on her shoulder, she shouldn’t think such spiteful things about people she doesn’t even know. Luckily, the train rolls in before Tess could think any worse about the couple, before she could let her mind wander to the bramble it was going towards.

On her way back home, the sky was pink again. The sun was setting, and Tess was basked in familiarity. The train rocked her gently as she looked out the window mournfully, raking through her memories as she watched the rose-tinted landscape roll by, and she walked down a familiar path. 

* * *

The balcony.

Yes, that’s where this really started, on the balcony.

They were on the balcony, with newly refilled glasses of champagne, sitting in freezing metal chairs watching the city before them. They were talking about something random and meaningless, but Tess was half paying attention to the conversation and half paying attention to how the lights from the city reflected on Eden’s face.

“You can kinda see it from here if you try hard enough,” Tess explained, tilting her head and squinting as she motioned broadly out at the landscape before them, “the hospital is that big block of lights on the far horizon, to the left.”

Eden squinted as well, leaning over a little in his chair.

“Ah, yes, the light block hospital, I see it now.”

Tess gave Eden an unimpressed look and nudged him with her foot.

“It’s a nice building really, from when buildings were allowed to be nice and unique and fun in their structure. It looks like it’s puffing its chest out, and the walls reflect the sunlight. Architects had more freedom when it was built, that’s why it’s so nice.” Tess told Eden. staring at the building in question.

“Buildings are still like that in Antarctica,” Eden half gloated, taking a sip of his champagne.

Tess scoffed, glancing into the city.

“I don’t know how you’re going to be able to leave Antarctica, you never shut up about it,” she teased.

“I talk about the Republic back in Antarctica as much as I talk about Antarctica when I’m here. You know you can live somewhere for a while and you talk about it, but that doesn’t make it your home.” Eden explained, twirling his champagne idly.

Tess laughed gently, shifting one leg over the other.

“So I guess you’d be okay with moving back here then?”

“Yeah definitely!” Eden chirped, visibly brightening in a way that made Tess’s heart stop. “I’m _more_ than okay with moving back to the Republic. Being here today, in the city, with you, it’s made me realize how much I’ve missed all this.”

Tess felt herself soften and her cheeks flush.

“It’s probably nostalgia.” She quipped.

“I mean, Antarctica was never permanent, anyway.” Eden continued, like he hadn’t heard Tess. “It’s like a hotel room, it’s nice for a while, a break from the familiar, but after a while it gets old. It’s insincere, it’s not home and inherently it can’t be. As nice as it is, it’s not where you’re meant to be.”

Tess blinked at him, in awe of what he just said. The sincerity in it, the genuine tone he used, the faraway and blissful look in his eyes, all of it sucked Tess in.

“I’m sure you know what I mean, could you ever see yourself living anywhere other than here?” Eden asked, looking over at Tess, smiling with dazzling intensity. Tess felt her blush deepen, and she hurriedly turned to glance outward at the cityscape.

“I guess not, but it’s not like I’ve had many options.” Tess dared to look over at Eden, and regretted it as soon as she saw how interested and completely invested he looked.”I mean I was in Denver for a while with the Patriots, but it’s not like I have many fond memories there. All my friends, except you and Daniel, lived here, I didn’t have anywhere else to go. You went to Antarctica, you went to school there and lived there and met people there, and I think it’s a way bigger deal that you want anything to do with the Republic after knowing how good it can be.”

Eden shrugged, chuckling a little.

“Yeah, too much of a good thing I guess.”

Tess brushed a stray hair out of her eyes idly, tapping her foot to try to ground herself and not get lost in Eden’s purple eyes and the way they shone like stars in the light of the city.

“I’m just glad you’re so excited about the internship, it’s all you’ve been able to talk about for weeks.” Tess switched subjects easily, taking another small sip of champagne.

Eden perked up again, turning back to face Tess eagerly.

“Oh definitely, I feel like this is the best thing that has happened to me in- like, so long!” Eden exclaimed, throwing out his hands and stretching his arms far apart to display how long it’s been since he’s had reason to get this excited about something.

“I feel like this internship worked out perfectly. It’ll cause Day and June to get back together after being apart for so long, it’s bringing me back home, it’s going to help people how and when they need it to,” Eden paused for a second, briefly looking down at his hands, now resting on his knees, before whipping back up to look at Tess, he looked both soft and determined, “and it led me back to you.”

Tess sat there, in awe, she felt like Eden had grabbed her heart in her chest, he had it completely in his hold. The blood in her veins stilled, the air in her lungs was trapped suddenly, everything inside her paused for a second as her mind reeled, trying to process what Eden just admitted to her.

“That’s some story,” she brushed off, trying not to let on how mushy she felt, and how Eden’s words absolutely tore up her brain and turned all her thoughts to lovey-dovey nonsense.

Eden shook his head, rolling his eyes.

“There’s probably some truth in that,” she admitted, gazing out into the night sky to try to calm herself down, “I only went to Antarctica once, but I never felt like going out a second time. It’s a one and done kinda place.”

Eden nodded, he took a drink of his champagne, he was getting low again.

“It’s a nice place temporarily like I said, but it’s kind of a pit to live in long term.”

Tess nodded too, she liked hearing Eden say he wouldn’t stay in Antarctica, she liked hearing him say he was coming back to her.

“Anyway I remember that time you visited, you beat up one of my classmates,” he reminisced, laughing softly.

“He was being a dick! He got what was coming to him!” Tess defended, leaning forward in her seat in her enthusiasm.

“I was fifteen! You scared the shit out of all my classmates!” Eden reminded her, laughing harder now, he was tipped forward a little too. “For the rest of my time at that school, everyone thought I had a bodyguard.”

“And if I remember correctly, no one else fucked with you, so you’re welcome!” she snarked, folding her arms and grinning.

“Yeah, but then I got to college and I was back at square one,” he complained, the light-hearted mood was brought down a little.

“I wasn’t anticipating that, because usually when you’re in college you stop being twelve.” She joked, trying to make the situation seem less damning, trying to take his mind away from it.

Eden sighed, all the stress and frustration of his life back in Antarctica coming back to him with one bad conversation topic.

“I’ll deck someone at your college in front of them if you want, maybe it’d work with them too.” She offered, smiling gently.

“I guess that couldn’t hurt,” Eden admitted after a pause, turning back to Tess.

The comforting glint was back in his eyes, he was smiling again. Tess felt her stomach flip.

“You’re only an inch or two shorter than Emmerson, at most, I’m sure you’d do okay.” he continued.

“Do you honestly think me fighting a kid in your school would stop people from bullying you?” She asked incredulously, it was an empty offer they both knew.

“ _Yes_ ,” Eden urged, laughing, “I mean they’re in college and they’re still treating me like we’re tweens, I’m sure immature methods would work on them.”

Tess shrugged, nodded, she did love hearing him laugh like that. In the carefree gentle way, not like he was doubling over laughing or laughing to be polite, just because he was happy.

They continued talking about Antarctica and that time Tess visited him and Daniel until Eden interrupted the conversation.

“Oh!” He exclaimed suddenly, getting up from his chair and snapping his fingers. “I got you something! Hang on let me grab it.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything!” Tess protested as Eden stepped through the open screen door into her apartment. “It’s not _my_ birthday!”

“I know,” Eden told her as he returned, a tiny box wrapped in flowered paper in his hand, “it’s polite to give the hostess a gift.”

“I thought when you brought a gift for June that it was the only gift you brought,” she teased as he handed her the box.

“You underestimate me.”

Tess looked at the small box, she had no idea what was inside. Too big for jewelry, too small for pretty much anything else. It could fit an apple or some other kind of fruit.

(Eden obviously wouldn’t give her fruit, but that’s the only object she could think of that would fit in the box.)

“You know usually people give the hostess wine,” she said as she grabbed the box from his head, tentatively, she placed it on her lap with special care. It was pretty light, but it made a rattling sound when it moved.

“I’m an individual, I do my own thing,” he grinned at her, elbows on his knees, face close to hers, “go on, open it!”

Tess looked up at him warily, then peeled the paperback and opened the box beneath. Inside was a toy cow, made of plastic with chipped black paint. She gasped, running her hands along the faded paint. She pushed the head down to make sure it worked, and as she did a little “moo” noise came from its belly, and the head gradually rose back up.

“Where did- how did you-”

“You told me you had a toy like that as a kid. I did some digging and found one for sale, it was pretty cheap too. I thought you’d like to see it again.” Eden explained, grin even wider now. He was almost as excited as she was.

“This is-” Tess paused, she was yelling, “this is the best gift anyone has ever given me.” she continued at a normal volume, she was almost crying.

“You like it?” he confirmed, leaning just a little closer.

“Like it? Eden this is the best, most personal, gift I’ve ever gotten.” Tess took another moment to steady herself, she looked up at Eden, eyes watery and earnest. “Holy shit, this was my favorite toy as a kid! When my mom threw it out the window I didn’t think I’d ever see it again!”

“Granted, I don’t think that’s the same one you had as a kid,” Eden joked, trying to humble the gift a little, “but I remembered that story and I was thinking you deserve to have at least one good thing from your childhood to remember.”

Tess appreciated the gesture, really, and the intent behind it, but she knew all she’d be able to remember when she saw this cow is this night with Eden. She’d forget all happy moments (however few and far between they were) from her childhood and she’d replace them with how Eden’s hair blew gently in the whisper of a breeze, how he grinned at her, how his eyes shone when he was excited.

She pushed down on the cow’s head and it mooed again.

“Eden I think this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me,” she lifted her eyes from the cow and locked hers with his, “ever. I mean it.”

Eden laughed, softly, like he was embarrassed. His cheeks flushed, and he raised his hand to scratch at the back of his neck. “I doubt that other people have done way more for you.” he brushed her off.

Tess shook her head, once, then shook it again. She was having trouble putting her thoughts into words, everything was lovingly jumbled.

"This is definitely the best gift, ever, from anyone. And once for Christmas June and Anden got me a cat," she told him, her words were coming out fast and strung together.

"Really?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Which cat?"

"Roach."

"Well that's not a fair comparison, that cat is like a demon spawn."

Tess shook her head again, she couldn't even process what he was saying.

“I don’t even know if there’s anything I can do to thank you enough.” She managed, shook her head once more.

“You don’t have to do anything,” he reassured, he looked so soft and loving that Tess thought her heart would stop, “I just wanted to do something for my favorite person, really all I wanted was to show you how much you mean to me.”

Tess’s mouth went dry, her brain seemed to stop for one single second before spinning out into a frenzy of thoughts more chaotic than before. She glanced again at Eden, his glasses were slipping down his nose and he looked happier and more relaxed than she had seen him look in a long time. It gave her a head rush thinking she could make him feel like this.

“I hadn’t seen you in years since I was fifteen like I said, I guess I started thinking about being able to talk to you without having you drag your tablet around, about being able to be around you- actually, and I got carried away.” He explained, his hand was still resting on the back of his neck.

Briefly, Tess thought about how soft the hair at the nape of Eden’s neck looked.

“I was going to get you some expensive book, or jewelry even, but I remembered you telling that story and I thought this would work better.”

“I’m worth one toy cow to you?” She joked, fiddling with her sleeve to stop herself from running her finger along his lip to see if it was as soft as she imagined it’d be. They were so close together. Closer than they had been in six years, it made Tess’s nerves light up.

“You’re worth a lot of things to me, I just settled on something that could fit in a coat pocket.”

“How big are the necklaces in Antarctica?”

Eden narrowed his eyes at her.

“Hey you were deflecting my compliments I’m allowed to tease you a little bit now.” she defended.

Eden nodded, scoffed quietly.

“But you _know_ that I appreciate this,” she continued, “you know this means more to me than anything else.”

“I know, I just like hearing you say it,” he admitted, his voice got slower, he was looking up at her with big, adoring eyes, Tess could have sworn he was even closer now than he was before.

Then Tess scoffed, and it occurred to her then that she and Eden acted suspiciously alike. Maybe those ten years of constant talking did have some effect on both of them. It felt like they were tied on opposite ends of a string.

“Well, I’d tell you anything you want to hear,” Tess spoke lowly, shuffling a little closer in her seat. Something had shifted, before if she had been flirting it was completely unintentional, now she felt like she could be a little more direct. She felt like she couldn’t help but be more direct.

Eden blinked at her, he seemed surprised for a second- but in a flustered way. His cheeks got red.

“Good to know,” he sputtered, he looked away for a second, but by turning his head he just exposed more of his pink flushed cheek.

(And more of his neck, which looked incredibly attractive in the light from the Jumbotron advertisement.)

“Seriously, I owe you one, try it out,” she coaxed, surprising herself with how much emotion slipped out in her sentence.

Their knees were touching, he tapped his leg against hers and it sent lightning through her veins.

God she’d do anything for the feeling she gets when he touches her.

“I don’t know, I can’t really think of anything right now,” he mused, the teasing tone in his voice was different than it usually is when they’re joking around, it made her heart pound.

“Give it some thought,” she bumped their legs together again, “anything you want.”

He nudged his leg against hers.

“Tell me…” he trailed off, looking up at the sky while he thought, “hm,”

“Hurry up, pick something before I change my mind,”

“Hey what happened to you being grateful?”

Tess rolled her eyes and tapped their legs again.

“Okay,” Eden said after another pause, “tell me I’m your favorite person.”

“You’re getting robbed, I would have told you that even if you didn’t ask.”

Eden laughed, softly, quietly, like this was a fragile moment that could be wrecked by the wrong thing. Every decision was like walking on ice across a lake.

She grabbed his hands and squeezed them, resting on his knees, she looked him in the eye.

“You’re my favorite person.” She told him earnestly, with all the feeling she could muster, voice barely above a whisper. She squeezed his hands again.

Then they were both just staring at each other. A solid minute passed, they were just sitting there, holding eye contact.

All she was thinking about was how his blush was even more gorgeous in the city lights. His glasses were resting on the edge of his nose, his eyes were wide and focused completely on her, her head was spinning.

Tess reached over suddenly, pushing Eden’s glasses back up his nose delicately, her hands gentle on his face, one hand stayed put resting on Eden’s cheek. The action surprised her as much as it did him. Her hand was still on his face.

“Sorry,” she apologized, Eden’s eyes were wide and starry, his mouth was hanging open partially, her hand was still on his face “I have this thing with people’s glasses-”

Then Eden leaned forward and kissed her, and it felt like all of the air in her lungs turned into champagne.

He placed one hand on her chin, propping her head up to meet his, keeping her held in place. It wasn’t like she was going anywhere.

Her hand was still on his face.

She brought her other arm up to wrap around his neck, bringing them closer together. It was difficult to maneuver with the way they were sitting but they made it work. Kind of. Tess leaned over so far that the back legs of her chair were held off the ground.

Eventually, they pulled away for air, and Tess’s chair hit the ground again with a clang. She hardly heard it.

Tess inhaled sharply, her mind was reeling from what just happened. All the blood in her body seemed extra hot, especially in her cheeks and especially as it pounded through her ears.

The box with the toy cow in it had fallen to the ground, miraculously landing right-side-up, the cow was completely oblivious to the life-changing moment that had happened in its presence.

Tess looked over at Eden, eyes wide, and laughed breathlessly.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Eden mumbled, running a finger along his bottom lip like he was tracing her touch.

“Probably not as long as I have,” Tess fired back, she could feel the blood running hot on her cheeks and burning in her ears.

Eden blinked at her, eyes going wide in obvious surprise. He grinned at her for just a second, breathless and shocked, before pulling her back in for another kiss.

Eden was warm in the cool night air, she could feel his every move, his hair was soft in her fingers. Everything clicked into place, Tess couldn’t find a single thing wrong with this moment, she felt like everything she had ever done was leading up to this, right here, right now. She was having trouble focusing on anything that wasn’t Eden, that wasn’t the soft weight of his cheek in her hand, that wasn’t his glasses bumping against her nose.

And God, she could stay like this forever.

Eden pulled away again, both for air and because he didn’t know how to shut his goddamn mouth.

Tess could count the number of times she genuinely wished Eden would stop talking on her fingers, but this was definitely one of them.

“I’ve always thought about doing this,” Eden mumbled, pulling away for just a second before kissing her again, “since I was a kid.”

“Really?” Tess asked she pulled back for a second to stare at Eden, dumbfounded.

Eden nodded, his cheeks were a bright pink and his eyes were wide and soft. Tess tugged Eden back to her, kissing him again as a new roar of feelings ignited inside her.

“I used to have a huge crush on you, you were all I could think about,” Eden continued, murmuring it around her lips. “I guess it developed into something a little more serious.”

The words filled Tess with validation, the feeling of being loved settled deep in her chest, the satisfaction of being needed thrumming in her blood.

Okay, maybe she could excuse him and his big mouth this one time. But that didn’t mean she had it in her to stop kissing him for that long, especially not now when she knew it felt so good.

Tess pulled him back in, holding his chin, she was completely off her chair and was falling into his arms now. She was sitting on his lap, one hand on his cheek and the other in his hair (which really was as soft as she imagined it).

Eden had both arms wrapped around her neck, one playing with her hair and the other tracing a line down her back. Tess couldn’t tell if Eden was really good at this or if she was letting her feelings for him cloud her overall judgment of his kissing skills.

Either way, her nerves were lit up like firecrackers and her brain was completely fried. Her nerve endings were firecrackers and her brain was filled with smoke.

Yes, that was a better analogy.

Whatever, she didn’t have time to come up with proper analogies, her hand was in Eden’s hair and his lips were on hers.

Eden pulled away for a second, again, panting and flushed.

“Okay,” he said, breathy and out of it, “your turn. Tell me how bad you’ve wanted to do this, tell me how you’ve daydreamed of kissing me since we were kids.”

He kissed her again, she could feel his breath on her lips.

"Tell me you've pined for me for years," another kiss, "tell me I'm the childhood love that everyone dreams of having."

Tess hummed, leaning back far enough to look Eden in the eyes, which still were starry and wide as saucers. She tried to come up with something coherent to say.

“Alright,” Tess sighed, pulling back this far she realized that Eden’s glasses were fogged up a little, “I did say I’d do whatever you wanted me to do.”

Eden nodded, his pupils were huge, and his blush was even brighter. His glasses slipped down his face again and Tess pushed them up with one finger.

“I have thought about doing this before,” she told him and kissed him softly, “I’ve thought about it a lot. I’ve been staring at your lips over video calls, falling asleep on your shoulder during movies, thinking about hugging you close to me when all I’ve got is my pillow, wondering if your hair would feel as good when I run my fingers through it as it looks,”

Eden looked stunned again, and he was completely silent.

“Eden, sweetie, I’ve been in this just as long as you have, I’ve just been on the other side of a screen,” she kissed his forehead, his nose, both of his cheeks, “I’ve been waiting for you on the other side of an ocean.”

Eden stared at her for a minute, processing, probably internally screaming like Tess was, mouth hanging open.

“Can I-” Tess started, he seemed so flustered Tess wondered if he needed a break, a breather.

“Go ahead.” Eden cut her off like he knew what she was going to ask.

There weren’t that many options but Tess chose to believe it had something to do with their ten-year-long-friendship telepathy. She didn’t dwell on it, she swooped back down and pressed her lips to his again, and she had no intention of ever breaking apart again.

They continued kissing, trying to get closer and closer even though they were pressed together as close as they could possibly be. Everything else around them seemed to disappear, Tess didn’t mind, she would willingly focus all her energy completely on Eden forever if she could.

It occurred to her as Eden’s hand dipped lower on her back and goosebumps rose along her skin wherever he touched that it was getting late, and they were going down a path they couldn’t come back from. Eden had an interview tomorrow, which was the reason he flew out here in the first place, and if he was late because of Tess-

She stopped herself, now wasn’t the time to worry about things like that. Now wasn’t the time to worry at all. Tess was in Eden’s arms and she could feel his breath against her lips, she could see everything that matters in Eden’s eyes.

Now wasn’t the time to worry at all.

Still, that didn’t mean it wasn’t the time for common sense. It was late, it had to be. Both of them had to get up early, Eden couldn’t stay at her house, Daniel was probably waiting for him.

She thought maybe she could stop herself, pull away, tell Eden to go home. She thought there was still enough self-control left in her that she could send Eden home and continue this later. Maybe.

Then Eden pulled her hair and Tess knew there was no going back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MOM HOLY FUCK-  
> Things are HAPPENING!!!  
> So uh, that was a lot of things all at once.  
> I feel like I came off a little harsh on Pressa in this chapter, but I love her dearly and I want all of you to know that. I love Pressa very much but I love her less than I love Tess and I will never be able to enjoy or interact positively with her relationship with Eden so I'm sorry sweetie but you might suffer a little.  
> Also?? Eden?? A huge dick. We do not stan.  
> (We do stan but we do it painfully. He makes poor choices prepare yourself.)  
> Also Pascao and Tess being friends is my SHIT, like there's 0 content of them interacting at all when it's explicitly shown in the text that they're close and that they have a sibling-like bond and that makes me sad because their friendship is really sweet!! They deserve better.  
> It's my fix-it fic and I get to pick the self insert!! I know I name-dropped three other ocs for Tess's friends and I think I'll come back to them later but Carrie exists for a specific purpose so she's also here and she's important please treat her nicely.  
> Also that cow toy is based on a real one I saw in an antique store that I wanted but my parents told me I couldn't get. I'm living vicariously.  
> I have no idea when the next chapter will be out, but I do know it will be more coherent and cohesive than this one!! Hopefully fingers crossed it won't take as long!!  
> My tumblr is bugrundy, feel free to leave me an ask or message me!!! I'm always willing to talk about Rebel and Tess and anything related to Legend at all. Comments and kudos make me so so happy, I cherish them forever!!  
> Okay thank you for reading uwuwuwuwuwu


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